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I'll never hear anything as horrible from an audience as I did from my patients.

Jo Brand, psychiatric nurse

turned comic, Guardian

Do I have to be the Sunday Express's man? My paper is the Times, not that haddock sheet.

Alan Coren, Sunday Express and

Times columnist, to Angus

Deayton after recording Have I

Got News for You, Independent

I'd not read it till I was offered the part. I was strictly a nudge- nudge man before that. But now I like it a lot. I feel very close to what DH Lawrence was saying. He understands sex; he understands the relationship between the classes; he's got the whole thing off to a T.

Sean Bean, star of Lady Chatterley

on BBC1 tonight, Radio Times

Empty faces, no complexity, no grace, bored to death.

Mikhail Baryshnikov on how the Kirov and Bolshoi dancers look, Sunday Telegraph

Happy endings have created the Michael Douglas character and his frustration . . . The white American middle class is angry because it's not getting what it was promised.

Joel Schumacher, director of Falling Down, on Hollywood's part in the making of a murderer, Daily Telegraph

If they had it their way, my hat would be off, my hair would be looking nice, the tunes would be sounding tinny and I'd be doing every bloody children's programme from here to Scotland.

Jason Kaye of Jamiroquai on his record company Sony, Time Out