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It's a fertility festival. Eleven sperms trying to get into the egg. I feel sorry for the goal keeper. But then I've not had a boyfriend since October.

Bjork, pop star, on football, The Face.

Somewhere in the National Gallery I'd like there to be a notice saying "You don't have to like everything".

Alan Bennett, Independent

There are so many ear people and not many eye people. But the people who look with their ears don't really matter.

Damien Hirst, artist, Time Out

I don't know how anybody could believe a word those guys are saying.

John Grisham, crime writer and former lawyer, on O J Simpson's defence team, Entertainment Weekly

I am beginning to wonder whether all this male confessional stuff is getting out of hand.

Nick Hornby, writer, Spectator.

I can't remember the last Heritage Secretary I've seen.

Christopher Hampton, writer and film director, on Stephen Dorrell, the minister who rarely sees a film, Times