Pandora

HANDBAGS AT dawn at Carlton's next board meeting? The media monolith's plutocratic proprietor, Michael Green, was asked about negotiations with the Hollywood tycoon Barry Diller. "No problem," Green smiled. "He's just an old Jewish queen." Green himself is a Jewish family man with a lively sense of humour. Let's hope his new co-director, Lord (Waheed) Alli, who's just sold his share of Planet 24 to Carlton for six zeros plus two commas, is similarly easy-going. Locals at Tenterden in Kent refer to Alli's long- term partner (and fellow Planet 24 sell-out beneficiary) Charlie Parsons as "the lady of the manor".

u

FAREWELL, FLAMING Ferraris. After James Archer's wheels fell off this week, the latest sobriquet for Credit Suisse First Boston's futures desk is "the Smouldering Skodas".

u

CONSERVATIVE EDUCATION policy offends the Government's palate. When the Tory spokesman David Willetts rose to speak in Thursday's education debate, Lucy, the faithful hound of the education secretary David Blunkett, threw up.

u

JOHN PRESCOTT'S Indian jaunt hasn't loosened his grip over colleagues at the Department of Environment, Transport and the Regions. Our Number One Guy's chief steward phoned in to the departmental morning meeting this week to take a roll-call. Glenda Jackson, Michael Meacher and Nick Raynsford sheepishly indicated their attendance, "as if the boss had just called a school register", says one apparatchik.

u

CONSPICUOUS AMONG MPs signing an Early Day Motion to support the Royal National Lifeboat Institution this week ... Julia Drown.

u

WE'RE ALL familiar with those rapid-fire emergency-room scenes in Casualty (BBC1, tomorrow night) where blood spills, six-packs tremble and the scrubbed ones talk at 150mph. But what are they babbling about? Herewith, the first of Pandora's Subtitles for the Slang-Impaired. Coag screen: test assessing how effectively blood is coagulating. Going off: patient is deteriorating badly. Hopper: a malingerer who flits from hospital to hospital to get unwarranted attention. IV bolus: massive one-shot intravenous drug feed through a drip. Sinus rhythm: normal heartbeat. DOA: dead on arrival. DIC: died in casualty. DIT: died in transit. BID: brought in dead. PO: per ora (by mouth). PR: per rectum. PV: "Ladies only".

u

SAY IT ain't so, Bill. A US tabloid is about to break the story of how Slick Willy had the hots for three female secret service agents. One of them allegedly filed a formal complaint. Beltway insiders say rumours of a marriage split are Hillary's doing; she's playing victim as part of her long-term political strategy.

u

ARE THE legs coming off William Hague's kitchen table Conservatism? The party's house journal, a newspaper called The Daily Telegraph, ran a bold story pointing out that "William Hague doesn't have a kitchen table". Imagine the hapless hack's surprise when she was telephoned by the Boy Blunder. "Alice," Hague chided, "when you came over, we had coffee in the kitchen, didn't we?" Yes, she agreed. "Well, what do you think we were drinking it off?" Oops.

u

WINNER OF Pandora's saucer of milk this week is W magazine, which assembled its style cop to make over Camilla Parker Bowles for its next issue. "She's looking very dowdy and frumpy," says New York designer Carolina Herrera. John Joseph, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, is more clinical: "It looks like she's had a fair amount of sun exposure, and the skin has lost its elasticity." The knifestyler of the rich and famous advises immediate laser skin resurfacing - along with a neck- and face-lift. Even Bowles's barnet catches flak. Hollywood hairtresser Art Luna: "She's got to get rid of that weird short Farrah thing." But the cat with the cream is Julien Macdonald, sometime knitwear maven at Chanel and Lagerfeld. The Welsh wool wizard says Camilla needs a "more aggressive fashion attitude, otherwise she'll end up looking like Princess Anne". Macdonald's panacea? Black leather during the day, and at night - red only. "She should be a scarlet woman - after all she is anyway." Miaow!

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora@ independent. co.uk

Arts and Entertainment
Performers drink tea at the Glastonbury festival in 2010

GlastonburyWI to make debut appearance at Somerset festival

Arts and Entertainment
Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister

TV reviewIt has taken seven episodes for Game of Thrones season five to hit its stride

Arts and Entertainment
Jesuthasan Antonythasan as Dheepan

FilmPalme d'Or goes to radical and astonishing film that turns conventional thinking about immigrants on its head

Arts and Entertainment
Måns Zelmerlöw performing

Eurovision
Arts and Entertainment
Graham Norton was back in the commentating seat for Eurovision 2015

Eurovision
Arts and Entertainment
The light stuff: Britt Robertson and George Clooney in ‘Tomorrowland: a World Beyond’
film review
Arts and Entertainment
Reawakening: can Jon Hamm’s Don Draper find enlightenment in the final ‘Mad Men’?
tv reviewNot quite, but it's an enlightening finale for Don Draper spoiler alert
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Breakfast Show’s Nick Grimshaw

Radio
Arts and Entertainment

Eurovision
Arts and Entertainment
'Youth' cast members Paul Dano, Jane Fonda, Harvey Keitel, Rachel Weisz, and Michael Caine pose for photographers at Cannes Film Festival
film
Arts and Entertainment
Adam West as Batman and Burt Ward and Robin in the 1960s Batman TV show

Comics
Arts and Entertainment
I am flute: Azeem Ward and his now-famous instrument
music
Arts and Entertainment
A glass act: Dr Chris van Tulleken (left) and twin Xand get set for their drinking challenge
TV review
Arts and Entertainment
MIA perform at Lovebox 2014 in London Fields, Hackney

music
Arts and Entertainment
Finnish punk band PKN hope to enter Eurovision 2015 and raise awareness for Down's Syndrome

eurovision
Arts and Entertainment
William Shakespeare on the cover of John Gerard's The Herball or Generall Historie of Plantes

books
Arts and Entertainment

Game of Thrones review
Arts and Entertainment
Grayson Perry dedicates his Essex home to Julie

Potter's attempt to create an Essex Taj Mahal was a lovely treat

tv
Arts and Entertainment
A scene from the original Swedish version of the sci-fi TV drama ‘Real Humans’
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Hugh Keays-Byrne plays Immortan Joe, the terrifying gang leader, in the new film
filmActor who played Toecutter returns - but as a different villain in reboot
Arts and Entertainment
Charlize Theron as Imperator Furiosa in Mad Max: Fury Road
film
Arts and Entertainment
Jessica Hynes in W1A
tvReview: Perhaps the creators of W1A should lay off the copy and paste function spoiler alert
Arts and Entertainment
Power play: Mitsuko Uchida in concert

classical
Arts and Entertainment
Dangerous liaisons: Dominic West, Jake Richard Siciliano, Maura Tierney and Leya Catlett in ‘The Affair’ – a contradictory drama but one which is sure to reel the viewers in
TV review
Arts and Entertainment
Richard Herring, pictured performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival two years ago
comedy
Arts and Entertainment
Music freak: Max Runham in the funfair band
theatre
Arts and Entertainment
film 'I felt under-used by Hollywood'
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Abuse - and the hell that came afterwards

    Abuse - and the hell that follows

    James Rhodes on the extraordinary legal battle to publish his memoir
    Why we need a 'tranquility map' of England, according to campaigners

    It's oh so quiet!

    The case for a 'tranquility map' of England
    'Timeless fashion': It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it

    'Timeless fashion'

    It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it
    If the West needs a bridge to the 'moderates' inside Isis, maybe we could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive after all

    Could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive?

    Robert Fisk on the Fountainheads of World Evil in 2011 - and 2015
    New exhibition celebrates the evolution of swimwear

    Evolution of swimwear

    From bathing dresses in the twenties to modern bikinis
    Sun, sex and an anthropological study: One British academic's summer of hell in Magaluf

    Sun, sex and an anthropological study

    One academic’s summer of hell in Magaluf
    From Shakespeare to Rising Damp... to Vicious

    Frances de la Tour's 50-year triumph

    'Rising Damp' brought De la Tour such recognition that she could be forgiven if she'd never been able to move on. But at 70, she continues to flourish - and to beguile
    'That Whitsun, I was late getting away...'

    Ian McMillan on the Whitsun Weddings

    This weekend is Whitsun, and while the festival may no longer resonate, Larkin's best-loved poem, lives on - along with the train journey at the heart of it
    Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath in a new light

    Songs from the bell jar

    Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath
    How one man's day in high heels showed him that Cannes must change its 'no flats' policy

    One man's day in high heels

    ...showed him that Cannes must change its 'flats' policy
    Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

    Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

    Dominic Rossi of Fidelity says his pressure on business to control rewards is working. But why aren’t other fund managers helping?
    The King David Hotel gives precious work to Palestinians - unless peace talks are on

    King David Hotel: Palestinians not included

    The King David is special to Jerusalem. Nick Kochan checked in and discovered it has some special arrangements, too
    More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years

    End of the Aussie brain drain

    More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years
    Meditation is touted as a cure for mental instability but can it actually be bad for you?

    Can meditation be bad for you?

    Researching a mass murder, Dr Miguel Farias discovered that, far from bringing inner peace, meditation can leave devotees in pieces
    Eurovision 2015: Australians will be cheering on their first-ever entrant this Saturday

    Australia's first-ever Eurovision entrant

    Australia, a nation of kitsch-worshippers, has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest. Maggie Alderson says it'll fit in fine