QUIET PLEASE, big brains at work: it takes an American PC operator four separate keystrokes to create the new crossed-E symbol for the euro.
THE PUBLIC Records Office recently unsealed material revealing Field Marshall Montgomery's robustly right-wing attitude to colonial independence - African subjects were all "savages", was the old soldier's considered verdict. The Daily Telegraph's news reporter assigned to cover this story was scooped and, as he tremulously awaited a bollocking, the summons to the editor's office arrived. It was not that the hapless hack had omitted to file on Monty's uncompromising views. The whole point, Charles Moore explained, was that Montgomery was a great visionary. As the rest of us count the days until the 21st century (290) it's reassuring to see Mr Moore still gamely struggling to get to grips with the 20th.
CHATHAM HOUSE (aka the Royal Institute for International Affairs) hosts a timely talk tonight: Sir Leon Brittan is scheduled to speak on "Corruption as a Threat to World Trade".
CELEBRITY NIGHT school - another public service from Pandora. Looking for a glamorous life? Want to get paid for showing people round your lovely shed? Look and learn with a Brazilian lingerie model, Luciana Morad (pictured). The 28-year-old Morad met Mick Jagger at a concert in Rio last summer, and rumours swirled this year that she's carrying Lippy Mick's lurve baby. But Morad has refused to kiss'n'tell, or even publicly confirm whether Jagger's the shooter - although her mum and friends insist he's the man.
Apparently Morad plans a DNA test when the baby's born, to determine paternity. Until then she "doesn't intend to take action against Jagger or anyone else". Smart woman.
PROSTITUTION CONTRIBUTES pounds 1.2bn annually to the economy, according to Marketing Week. Does that mean it's more or less screwed than we thought?
STELLA McCARTNEY was spotted "nuzzling" the rock lothario Lenny Kravitz at a Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame party this week. The duo then ducked into a hotel bathroom together for a few minutes. "It wasn't long enough for an assignation," one eye-witness says, "but one wonders what they were doing."
SO IT'S goodbye Gay Pride Festival, hello Gay Mardi Gras. Readers may remember that last year's festival, organised by Pride Events, ended in a messy last-minute cancellation with outraged ticket-holders short on refunds. But now a brave new consortium of pink businesses has taken over the annual fest and named a new chairman for the revamped festival - one Kevin Sollis. The market research outfit Chronos, whose proprietor, by some wild coincidence, is Kevin Sollis, has published the results of a survey on what the gay community wants from its annual event. These show that a for-profit firm should take over the event... and charge a higher admission fee. What luck!
PANDORAPHILES WILL remember how Draconian membership rules pushed free- spending MPs and researchers out of the Commons Sports and Social Club bar. Takings are down and low spirits prevail; one member complains "we got to get some beer, we got no atmosphere." Perhaps non-members seeking refreshment after a pounding in the chamber are popping out for a quick Thai.
PETER MANDELSON fell off a table while speechifying for his former assistant Benjy Wegg-Prosser this week. The party was held at Marco Pierre White's bar - is this the first time Mandy has gone down on the Titanic?
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