Pandora

HAPPY ST GEORGE'S Day. It should prove so for Liberty, a two-year- old Limousin heifer. Bound for a positively final appearance at a south Devon slaughterhouse, the cow made a bold dash for freedom. As a handler led her towards the abattoir where she was scheduled to appear on the wrong end of a bolt, Liberty legged it through the town of Kingsbridge, crossed a driveway and invaded a primary school playground. There she body-swerved slaughterhouse staff, townspeople and two sharp-shooters for more than an hour. As a police helicopter circled above, a local farmer drove Liberty into a nearby field where she was finally recaptured. Animal Concern, sensing a new twist to last year's hot pursuit of the Tamworth Two, this week raised pounds 1,000 to send Liberty (close relative pictured) to the greener pastures of Hillside Animal Sanctuary in Norwich. There she'll live out her days with 400 other lucky creatures. We English adore dumb animals - and Liberty.

u

OH, AND what could be more English than... hypocrisy? Coincidentally, the News of the World, the nation's favourite Sunday tabloid, has long delighted in titillating its readers under the guise of sharing their moral outrage at the smutty exploits it describes in such loving detail.

Last week the Murdoch rag exposed John Mullis, the 66-year-old multimillionaire chairman of the printers Mullis Morgan, as sharing a "love-nest" with a bisexual 39-year-old Puerto Rican femme enchantingly named Scheherazade.

The intimate relationship between Mullis and his "bondage-loving" babe echoes another cosy set-up: Mullis Morgan just happen to be print suppliers to News International - who publish News of the World.

u

23 APRIL is also the day, 383 years ago, that Shakespeare died. Tragically, his heritage may not be as safe as bardolators might wish. Overheard in the BBC shop near Broadcasting House - Customer: "Do you have the video of Measure For Measure?" Assistant: "Is that in the DIY section?"

u

THE GERMAN ad agency Springer & Jacoby opens its international office in London's Clerkenwell today. To prove that they're going to behave properly with the other children, the Teutonic raiders plan a launch party tonight at the Naval & Military Club. On the cusp of the 21st century, tolerance and humour remain core elements of Englishness.

u

FURTHER ALONG from the agency's offices in St John Street, those who love England but hate jingoism can celebrate the renaissance of English cuisine at St Johns. Its menu today will include St George's mushrooms, and braised squirrel with dried ceps and wild garlic. That's innovative - but where does innovation become invention? Ask Neil Kinnock: a hapless Sunday Times hack mistook a joke Kinnocchio told him for the truth, but let's nail this foodie fib right now. Peter Mandelson never mistook mushy peas for guacamole in a northern chip shop. (Source: Mandelson, the Biography by Donald Macintyre, published this week by HarperCollins.)

u

TORY TROPHY boy Michael Portillo on his anguished adolescence: "Across the lower facial area a range of high-peaked pustules mapped in angry red... while I was combing my hair my scalp would suddenly exude enough oil to grease a piston." Modesty is as English as the desire to tweak the noses of our supposed betters. But let's not overdo the self-deprecation, eh?

u

DARK SIDES - we all have one. For the English, it may lurk in the kitchen. According to Procter & Gamble News, 55 per cent of American households have a dishwasher, as do 35 per cent of Continental Europeans. But on these shores the numbers drop to an unhygienic 20 per cent.

u

WHODATHUNKIT? ONE in five conversations lasting 10 minutes or more will involve a lie, according to Prospect. If one of the parties attended university, it will be one in three.

u

CHEAP DATE, Kira Jolliffe's dotty anti-fashion magazine, is to launch in New York. Jolliffe, who persuades stellar friends such as Sophie Dahl to model cheap-but-chic looks for the title, has recruited Marlon Richards (son of Rolling Stone Keith) for this innovative English export. It's only frock'n'roll... but we like it.

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora@independent.co.uk

Arts and Entertainment
Ellie Levenson’s The Election book demystifies politics for children
bookNew children's book primes the next generation for politics
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell Williams' “Happy” was the most searched-for song lyric of 2014
musicThe power of song never greater, according to our internet searches
Arts and Entertainment
Roffey says: 'All of us carry shame and taboo around about our sexuality. But I was determined not to let shame stop me writing my memoir.'
books
Arts and Entertainment
Call The Midwife: Miranda Hart as Chummy

tv Review: Miranda Hart and co deliver the festive goods

Arts and Entertainment
The cast of Downton Abbey in the 2014 Christmas special

tvReview: Older generation get hot under the collar this Christmas

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Transformers: Age of Extinction was the most searched for movie in the UK in 2014

film
Arts and Entertainment
Mark Ronson has had two UK number two singles but never a number one...yet

music
Arts and Entertainment
Clara Amfo will take over from Jameela Jamil on 25 January

radio
Arts and Entertainment
This is New England: Ken Cheeseman, Ann Dowd, Frances McDormand and Richard Jenkins in Olive Kitteridge

The most magnificently miserable show on television in a long timeTV
Arts and Entertainment
Andrea Faustini looks triumphant after hearing he has not made it through to Sunday's live final

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Rhys says: 'I'm not playing it for laughs, but I have learnt that if you fall over on stage, people can enjoy that as much as an amazing guitar solo'
musicGruff Rhys on his rock odyssey, and the trouble with independence
Arts and Entertainment
Krysia and Daniel (Hand out press photograph provided by Sally Richardson)
How do today's composers answer the challenge of the classical giant?
News
Shenaz Treasurywala
film
News
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Jason Watkins as Christopher Jefferies
tv
Arts and Entertainment
Star Wars Director JJ Abrams: key character's names have been revealed
film
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell Williams won two BBC Music Awards for Best Song and International Artist
music
Arts and Entertainment
Mark, Katie and Sanjay in The Apprentice boardroom
TV
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    War with Isis: The West needs more than a White Knight

    The West needs more than a White Knight

    Despite billions spent on weapons, the US has not been able to counter Isis's gruesome tactics, says Patrick Cockburn
    Return to Helmand: Private Davey Graham recalls the day he was shot by the Taliban

    'The day I was shot by the Taliban'

    Private Davey Graham was shot five times during an ambush in 2007 - it was the first, controversial photograph to show the dangers our soldiers faced in Helmand province
    Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

    Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

    Many flyers are failing to claim compensation to which they are entitled, a new survey has found
    The stories that defined 2014: From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions

    The stories that defined 2014

    From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions
    Stoke-on-Trent becomes first British city to be classified as 'disaster resilient' by the United Nations

    Disaster looming? Now you know where to head...

    Which British city has become the first to be awarded special 'resilience' status by the UN?
    Finally, a diet that works: Californian pastor's wildly popular Daniel Plan has seen his congregation greatly reduced

    Finally, a diet that works

    Californian pastor's wildly popular Daniel Plan has seen his congregation greatly reduced
    Say it with... lyrics: The power of song was never greater, according to our internet searches

    Say it with... lyrics

    The power of song was never greater, according to our internet searches
    Professor Danielle George: On a mission to bring back the art of 'thinkering'

    The joys of 'thinkering'

    Professor Danielle George on why we have to nurture tomorrow's scientists today
    Monique Roffey: The author on father figures, the nation's narcissism and New Year reflections

    Monique Roffey interview

    The author on father figures, the nation's narcissism and New Year reflections
    Introducing my anti-heroes of 2014

    Introducing my anti-heroes of 2014

    Their outrageousness and originality makes the world a bit more interesting, says Ellen E Jones
    DJ Taylor: Good taste? It's all a matter of timing...

    Good taste? It's all a matter of timing...

    It has been hard to form generally accepted cultural standards since the middle of the 19th century – and the disintegration is only going to accelerate, says DJ Taylor
    Olivia Jacobs & Ben Caplan: 'Ben thought the play was called 'Christian Love'. It was 'Christie in Love' - about a necrophiliac serial killer'

    How we met

    Olivia Jacobs and Ben Caplan
    Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's breakfasts will revitalise you in time for the New Year

    Bill Granger's healthy breakfasts

    Our chef's healthy recipes are perfect if you've overindulged during the festive season
    Transfer guide: From Arsenal to West Ham - what does your club need in the January transfer window?

    Who does your club need in the transfer window?

    Most Premier League sides are after a striker, but here's a full run down of the ins and outs that could happen over the next month
    The Last Word: From aliens at FA to yak’s milk in the Tour, here’s to 2015

    Michael Calvin's Last Word

    From aliens at FA to yak’s milk in the Tour, here’s to 2015