Pandora

CHRISTINE HAMILTON, old enough to know worse, is pictured in the papers this week snogging some gormless Oxbridge youth. What next for this brazen media-babe? One talent-manager suggested: "She should get her kit off." So Pandora rang round the ladmags to establish her market value. GQ's new editor Dylan Jones saw Pandora coming and joked: "Yeah, I'm commissioning the photographer on the other line." Maxim's comments are (tragically) unprintable. Esquire's Peter Howarth: "She'd have to pay us."

u

MONEY TALKS. Let's get this right, once and for all. "Sawbuck" is the Yankee term for a tenner. But the local lingo makes a score: pounds 20. Pony: pounds 25. Nifty: pounds 50 (aka: "Hawaii" as in Hawaii Five-0). Large'un (Eurotrash trying to talk like the locals pronounce it "L'argent", capisci?): pounds 100. Monkey: pounds 500. Bag of Sand: pounds 1,000. Archer: pounds 2,000. So what's a giraffe then? A spotty creature with a long neck...

u

OVERHEARD AT a City dinner - John Redwood extolling the virtues of dealing with non-European states: "You don't have to stick to just one woman when you can have lots of friends..." Is there something Mrs Vulcan Foundling needs to know? These people need a spin-doctor - and not Alan Duncan. Little Willie's Pet Rock was spotted ligging at the Sultans of Spin party in Westminster this week, presumably trying to pick up a few tips. And brother, he needs them. Here's one: no more luminous pink ties, Mr Duncan - not your colour, surely, darling.

u

BLACK POLO NECKS? So Dangerman, so early 1960s, very Patrick McGoohan. And as best boy Robbie Williams and go-go girl Natalie Imbruglia (pictured) both like 'em, Pandora says "Si".

u

PANDORAPHILES MAY recall the recent item about Tipper Gore's involvement with the Parents' Music Resource Centre; the wannabe First Lady spent much of the Eighties, in her role as leader of the peculiar pressure group, listening to dodgy rock choons in a futile attempt to censor supposedly racy references and "backwards messages". The disclosure has prompted the guy who holds most of Pandora's heart - yeah, her bookie - to offer opening odds on the 2000 presidential race. Here's the SP: Al Gore will beat Bill Bradley to the democratic nomination by a country mile ("No one south of New York knows who Bradley is") so Mr Tipper is 7-1. Texan Governor George W Bush currently looks a cert to win the Republican slot and is available as 9-5 favourite should he go head-to-head with Gore. Expect those odds to shorten if General Colin Powell is Bush's running mate: "Clinton will deliver California for Gore, but it isn't enough," the oddsmaker says. "Gore needs a personality transplant. Bush and Powell is a very strong ticket, they'll beat the Democrats like a rented mule." Outside bets: Liddy Dole, last seen trying to buy the Thatcher handbag, is 1,000-1; Pat Buchanan: 1m-1; and Dan Quayle: "Any odds you like. The guy couldn't spell `cat' if you gave him a `c' and an `a'."

u

WINNING WAYS continue for (and Pandora can scarcely credit that she's writing this, but it's true) the Welsh Nationalists after their success in this month's Assembly elections. Staff at the Party's Cardiff HQ earned pounds 5,000 by correctly predicting that the party would win 17 seats. PC spokesman Sion Ffrankon was delighted at his share of the spoils. And mortified at the suggestion that the coup was based on "insider knowledge". God forbid.

u

WHODATHUNKIT? The only word spelt the same in English, French, German, Swedish, Spanish, Danish, Norwegian, Dutch and Portuguese is... taxi.

u

STAR TANTRUM of the week was thrown by Courtney Love. Brawling with ex-boyfriend Eric Erlandson on stage during a show in Dallas, Love removed her guitar and threw it at him. She missed. So she pulled off her high- heeled Guccis and yelled "Fuck Gucci boots. At least they sent them to me for free." Tch, tch.

u

"WE HAVE this sweet little story and they have Jedi Knights and light- sabres and stuff. We have no special-effects whatsoever, but my hair looks nice." - Julia Roberts, squaring Notting Hill up to Star Wars. Ah, but which hair does she mean?

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora@

independent.

co.uk

Arts and Entertainment
Terminator Genisys: Arnie remains doggedly true to his word as the man who said 'I'll be back', returning once more to protect Sarah Connor in a new instalment

 

film review
Arts and Entertainment
Relocation, relocation: Zawe Ashton travels the pathway to Northampton

TV review
Arts and Entertainment
BBC Three was launched a little over five years ago with the slogan: “Three, is a magic number, yes it is.”

BBC Trust agrees to axe channel from TV in favour of digital move

TV
Arts and Entertainment
British actor Idris Elba is also a DJ and rapper who played Ibiza last summer

film
Arts and Entertainment

books
Arts and Entertainment

Final Top Gear review

TV
Arts and Entertainment

music
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Pete Doherty and Carl Barat perform at Glastonbury 2015

music
Arts and Entertainment
Lionel Richie performs live on the Pyramid stage during the third day of Glastonbury Festival

music
Arts and Entertainment
Buying a stairway to Hubbard: the Scientology centre in Los Angeles
film review Chilling inside views on a secretive church
Arts and Entertainment
Jason Williamson, left, and Andrew Fearn of Sleaford Mods
musicYou are nobody in public life until you have been soundly insulted by Sleaford Mods
Arts and Entertainment
Natalie Dew (Jess) in Bend It Like Beckham The Musical
theatreReview: Bend It Like Beckham hits back of the net on opening night
Arts and Entertainment
The young sea-faring Charles Darwin – seen here in an 1809 portrait – is to be portrayed as an Indiana Jones-style adventurer
film
Arts and Entertainment
The audience aimed thousands of Apple’s product units at Taylor Swift throughout the show
musicReview: On stage her manner is natural, her command of space masterful
Arts and Entertainment
Channel 4 is reviving its Chris Evans-hosted Nineties hit TFI Friday

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Harrison Ford plays Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade (1989)

film
Arts and Entertainment

music
Arts and Entertainment
A Glastonbury reveller hides under an umbrella at the festival last year

Glastonbury
Arts and Entertainment

music
Arts and Entertainment
Miles Morales is to replace Peter Parker as the new Spider-Man

comics
Arts and Entertainment
The sequel to 1993's Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, has stormed into the global record books to score the highest worldwide opening weekend in history.

film
Arts and Entertainment
Odi (Will Tudor)
tvReview: Humans, episode 2
Arts and Entertainment
Can't cope with a Port-A-loo? We've got the solution for you

FestivalsFive ways to avoid the portable toilets

Arts and Entertainment
Some zookeepers have been braver than others in the #jurassiczoo trend

Jurassic WorldThe results are completely brilliant

Arts and Entertainment
An original Miffy illustration
art
Arts and Entertainment
Man of mystery: Ian McKellen as an ageing Sherlock Holmes
film review
Arts and Entertainment
Kitchen set: Yvette Fielding, Patricia Potter, Chesney Hawkes, Sarah Harding and Sheree Murphy
TV review
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Seifeddine Rezgui: What motivated a shy student to kill 38 holidaymakers in Tunisia?

    Making of a killer

    What motivated a shy student to kill 38 holidaymakers in Tunisia?
    UK Heatwave: Temperatures on the tube are going to exceed the legal limit for transporting cattle

    Just when you thought your commute couldn't get any worse...

    Heatwave will see temperatures on the Tube exceed legal limit for transporting cattle
    Exclusive - The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Swapping Bucharest for London

    The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

    Meet the man who swapped Romania for the UK in a bid to provide for his family, only to discover that the home he left behind wasn't quite what it seemed
    Cheaper energy on the way, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows

    Cheaper energy on the way, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows

    Solar power will help bring down electricity prices over the next five years, according to a new report. But it’s cheap imports of ‘dirty power’ that will lower them the most
    Katy Perry prevented from buying California convent for $14.5m after nuns sell to local businesswoman instead

    No grace of God for Katy Perry as sisters act to stop her buying convent

    Archdiocese sues nuns who turned down star’s $14.5m because they don’t approve of her
    Ajmer: The ancient Indian metropolis chosen to be a 'smart city' where residents would just be happy to have power and running water

    Residents just want water and power in a city chosen to be a ‘smart’ metropolis

    The Indian Government has launched an ambitious plan to transform 100 of its crumbling cities
    Michael Fassbender in 'Macbeth': The Scottish play on film, from Welles to Cheggers

    Something wicked?

    Films of Macbeth don’t always end well - just ask Orson Welles... and Keith Chegwin
    10 best sun creams for body

    10 best sun creams for body

    Make sure you’re protected from head to toe in the heatwave
    Wimbledon 2015: Nick Bollettieri - Milos Raonic has ability to get to the top but he must learn to handle pressure in big games

    Nick Bollettieri's Wimbledon files

    Milos Raonic has ability to get to the top but he must learn to handle pressure in big games
    Women's World Cup 2015: How England's semi-final success could do wonders for both sexes

    There is more than a shiny trophy to be won by England’s World Cup women

    The success of the decidedly non-famous females wearing the Three Lions could do wonders for a ‘man’s game’ riddled with cynicism and greed
    How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth: Would people co-operate to face down a global peril?

    How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth

    Would people cooperate to face a global peril?
    Just one day to find €1.6bn: Greece edges nearer euro exit

    One day to find €1.6bn

    Greece is edging inexorably towards an exit from the euro
    New 'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could help surgeons and firefighters, say scientists

    'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could become reality

    Holographic projections would provide extra information on objects in a person's visual field in real time
    Sugary drinks 'are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year'

    Sugary drinks are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year

    The drinks that should be eliminated from people's diets
    Pride of Place: Historians map out untold LGBT histories of locations throughout UK

    Historians map out untold LGBT histories

    Public are being asked to help improve the map