Pandora

CHRIS TARRANT is no stranger to bosom trouble. The other day he was filming in Norfolk. While the crew was setting up, the millionaire broadcaster and his unit manager wandered into a pub. "It was from hell," Tarrant says. The locals had vanished, leaving the bar occupied by holidaying hordes of bellicose Scots. Most were drunk. All demanded autographs. Tarrant signed beer mats, raffle tickets, "anything just to stay in one piece... they were drunk and they were big." Suddenly a woman removed her top and presented her balcony for signature. "It was one of those situations that seemed a great laugh, but [at] any second could have switched to flashpoint and ended up with a bottle in someone's forehead - probably mine," Tarrant says. So, Russ Meyer style, he signed it.

u

TELEVISION X, the soft porn TV channel, is advertising for a presenter to front its new Nudes at Ten spot. Applicants will be expected to work without clothing. The ad says, "Training will be given." Hmmmm: Kara Noble's available...

u

SHANNEN DOHERTY (pictured) could be the latest well-endowed woman to follow Pamela Anderson and (maybe) Demi Moore down the bosom-reduction route. "Absolutely 100 per cent true," she tells the new American edition of Maxim. "I'm one of those women who pull on a tank top and think... ugh! If they were smaller, I wouldn't have to wear bras so much." Doherty, two of whose former beaus have alleged that the former Beverly Hills 90210 star has pulled a gun on them, also reveals what she looks for in a man: "I don't care for perfect teeth or chiselled features. Scars

are good."

u

WHODATHUNKIT? Marilyn Monroe used to sew marbles into her tighter sweaters to achieve a pert effect...

u

HIGH-FLYER Raymond Blanc, the chef, recently turned down the in-flight nosh proffered by British Airways. He produced his own smoked sausage and gelatinous cancoillotte cheese which he offered to Clive Aslet, the Country Life editor, in the next seat. "He even invited the stewardess to join in." A mange a trois?

Oh, and what about Clive Aslet for Jane Procter's old gig? Isn't it time for a man to get a grip at Conde Nast's Tatler? "As a professional one feels one could do anything," Aslet responds. "It depends on what the salary is." Quite.

u

RETURN MATCH? Yes, says the new Golf Monthly. Sean Connery will walk the fairways of Stoke Poges Golf Club on 24 September to play in the 1999 Ian Fleming Celebrity-Am tournament. Connery should know the turf (and its palatial clubhouse) pretty well - he hung out there while filming Goldfinger at nearby Pinewood Studios.

u

"YOU MUSTN'T get pregnant again, otherwise you won't be able to drink." - Male reveller to femme at French viniculturalist Remi Krug's lavish tropical paradise party at Knightsbridge's Hyde Park Hotel this week. The binge also marked the first time the feuding columnists Nigel Dempster and Adam Helliker have been seen in the same room since their visit to Knuckle Junction last year. No fisticuffs this week, Pandora's pleased to report.

u

THE OTHER day Pandora reported that Customs and Excise officers complained about a poster featuring Joanne Ellery, the Chicago dancer, which is sited above passport control at Eurostar's Waterloo terminal. The prissypants complainers are not Customs Officers (sorry about that) - they're from Immigration. These immigration officers are seriously asking the rest of us to believe that passengers on Eurostar trains originating in Brussels or Paris imagine that they've landed in Chicago. Maybe Customs need to check what Immigration has been crumbling in its brownies recently.

u

IT'S OFFICIAL. "Spell your German correctly - it's the law." That's the hype for the new Collins German Dictionary. Excuse the schadenfreude, but one gets you ten that among the dictionary's "6,000 new words," one omission will be a translation for that reliable English Spirit of '66, Class of '99 expression: "You're not singing any more!"

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora@ independent.co.uk

PROMOTED VIDEO
Arts and Entertainment
Judd Apatow’s make-it-up-as-you-go-along approach is ideal for comedies about stoners and slackers slouching towards adulthood
filmWith comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
Arts and Entertainment
booksForget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment
Off set: Bab El Hara
tvTV series are being filmed outside the country, but the influence of the regime is still being felt
Arts and Entertainment
Red Bastard: Where self-realisation is delivered through monstrous clowning and audience interaction
comedy
Arts and Entertainment
O'Shaughnessy pictured at the Unicorn Theatre in London
tvFiona O'Shaughnessy explains where she ends and her strange and wonderful character begins
Arts and Entertainment
The new characters were announced yesterday at San Diego Comic Con

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Rhino Doodle by Jim Carter (Downton Abbey)

TV
Arts and Entertainment
No Devotion's Geoff Rickly and Stuart Richardson
musicReview: No Devotion, O2 Academy Islington, London
Arts and Entertainment
Christian Grey cradles Ana in the Fifty Shades of Grey film

film
Arts and Entertainment
Comedian 'Weird Al' Yankovic

Is the comedy album making a comeback?

comedy
Arts and Entertainment
While many films were released, few managed to match the success of James Bond blockbuster 'Skyfall'
film
Arts and Entertainment
Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in the first-look Fifty Shades of Grey movie still

film
Arts and Entertainment
Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc, centre, are up for Best Female TV Comic for their presenting quips on The Great British Bake Off

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Martin Freeman as Lester Nygaard in the TV adaptation of 'Fargo'

TV
Arts and Entertainment
A scene from Shakespeare in Love at the Noel Coward Theatre
theatreReview: Shakespeare in Love has moments of sheer stage poetry mixed with effervescent fun
Arts and Entertainment
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson stars in Hercules

film
Arts and Entertainment
Standing the test of time: Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd in 'Back to the Future'

film
Arts and Entertainment
<p><strong>2008</strong></p>
<p>Troubled actor Robert Downey Jr cements his comeback from drug problems by bagging the lead role in Iron Man. Two further films follow</p>

film
Arts and Entertainment

theatre
Arts and Entertainment
Tycoons' text: Warren Buffett and Bill Gates both cite John Brookes' 'Business Adventures' as their favourite book

books
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    A new Russian revolution: Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc

    A new Russian revolution

    Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc
    Eugene de Kock: Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

    Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

    The debate rages in South Africa over whether Eugene de Kock should ever be released from jail
    Standing my ground: If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?

    Standing my ground

    If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?
    Commonwealth Games 2014: Dai Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

    Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

    Welsh hurdler was World, European and Commonwealth champion, but then the injuries crept in
    Israel-Gaza conflict: Secret report helps Israelis to hide facts

    Patrick Cockburn: Secret report helps Israel to hide facts

    The slickness of Israel's spokesmen is rooted in directions set down by pollster Frank Luntz
    The man who dared to go on holiday

    The man who dared to go on holiday

    New York's mayor has taken a vacation - in a nation that has still to enforce paid leave, it caused quite a stir, reports Rupert Cornwell
    Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business, from Sarah Millican to Marcus Brigstocke

    Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business

    For all those wanting to know how stand-ups keep standing, here are some of the best moments
    The Guest List 2014: Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks

    The Guest List 2014

    Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
    Jokes on Hollywood: 'With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on'

    Jokes on Hollywood

    With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
    It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

    It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

    Voted for by the British public, the artworks on Art Everywhere posters may be the only place where they can be seen
    Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

    Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

    Blanche Marvin reveals how Tennessee Williams used her name and an off-the-cuff remark to create an iconic character
    Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

    Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

    Websites offering your ebooks for nothing is only the latest disrespect the modern writer is subjected to, says DJ Taylor
    Edinburgh Fringe 2014: The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee

    Edinburgh Fringe 2014

    The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee
    Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

    Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

    The woman stepping down as chair of the Heritage Lottery Fund is worried