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JANET ANDERSON, the minister responsible for the music industry at Chris Smith's Culture department, reportedly obtained 12 tickets to Browns, the Covent Garden nightclub, for her daughter's 18th birthday party. Browns is a favoured boite for fast-lane, A-list music business types; earlier this year it hosted the Brit awards party. Regardless of rules on ministerial disclosure, Ms Anderson has displayed hideously poor judgement: did someone say "self-serving metropolitan elites abusing public positions for personal gain"? From both the viewpoints of ministerial ethics and parental guidance, Ms Anderson is so far off the screen, she's gone. Pandora says: "Security! Please show this woman the door marked exit."

KISSING IS great exercise for facial muscles - and making love three times each week provides as much cardiac protection as jogging, according to the new issue of Good Housekeeping.

STARS + CARS = Louis Vuitton Classic, which was held over the weekend at Fulham's Hurlingham Club. Honor Blackman (pictured) and Jools Holland were among the crowd, packed behind crash barriers, as stunt riders performed high-risk manoeuvres on veteran motorbikes. Justin Etzin accompanied Alexandra Aitken, who wore a fetching polka-dot dress. "It's 1940s, I got it from a vintage dress shop," Ms Aitken said. Alain de Cadenet described the concourse parade of veteran, vintage and contemporary classic cars to revellers, including Alan Whicker and Barry Sheene. Later, those who had not bought picnics sat down to a black-tie bash, catered by Anton Mosimann, which was comparatively well-behaved. Oliver Tobias, fiftyish but looking as fit as a butcher's dog, explained he was getting into shape for a new film involving Muslims and opera. Tobias was accompanied by Arabella Zamoyska, the best thing out of Poland since LOT 279. Other faces in this glossy scene included Amanda Wakeley (the fashion designer, now dating again) Piers Adam, the K-Bar owner, and Raymond Blanc, the masterchef, Anita Pallenberg, Simon and Yasmin Le Bon, and Jemma Kidd.

LATEST LA-LA land rumour: now that Jonathan Demme has bailed out of directing the Silence of the Lambs sequel ("Too violent," he said), the new name in the frame is Ridley Scott.

READERS' INDIGESTION: the search is over. We can finally sate our deeply supressedneed for reliable dairy pricing information. Cheese Reporter magazine is full of tasty, jargon-rich analysis of dairy market trends, snappily headlined Cheese Comment, Butter Comment and NFDM Comment. (That's Non Fat Dry Milk; yoghurt fans will have to comment for them-selves, it seems.) Digerati can also stuff themselves at the Cheese Reporter's website. It offers succulent daily price updates, rolling cheese news and, last time we looked, the schedule for an intense cheese grading seminar at (where else?) the University of Wisconsin. The scoop the Cheese Reporter somehow missed? The Canadian artist who covered a Manhattan hotel room with 100 pounds of melted Swiss. Given summer temperatures, that one could run and run...

IS THIS a contradiction? Mmmn... yes and no. New Labour are sending south- eastern voters the mother of all mixed messages on their Euro election flyer, coming soon to a letterbox (and very possibly, bin) near you. "Only Labour can beat the Tories," it proclaims. Alongside is a tricolour bar chart showing party percentages (Con 42 per cent, Lab 29 per cent, Liberal Democrat 23 per cent). The clear implication, that Lib Dems should switch their allegiance to Red, is reinforced by an accompanying text message saying: "A vote for the Lib Dems could mean more Tories are being elected." But hold up kiddo, what's this underneath? Ah, Millbank's wise words about proportional representation: "Every vote counts!" the leaflet continues. "There's no need for tactical voting - you simply vote for what you believe in." How apposite of the People's Party to offer voters a choice between tactics and belief.

DUEL NATURE? "There's a part of me that would love to settle down and have a white picket fence, a couple of kids, a wife and a goldfish..." says Johnny Depp, the film star who has just become a father for the first time. "...But another part of me somehow needs to go roll around in the mud."

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