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RUPERT MURDOCH'S honeymoon sounds sooooooo romantic. The billionaire tycoon swept his adoring bride, Wendy, away from their New York nuptials to an idyllic Mediterranean lurve nest. The newly marrieds then invited Rupe's ex-wife Anna to join them at this Tuscan villa, just outside Siena. "There was no scratching or hissing; it was all very well-behaved and mwah mwah," our playmate in the Wendy House reports. In a tender gesture, the media mogul and his missus then extended their unique brand of honeymoon hospitality to five senior (male) executives from Rupe's fiefdom. There, among the cypress trees, red-roofed white stone houses and vineyards kissed by tawny evening sunlight, the household shared a glass or two of excellent Chianti, and tenderly discussed the little things that lovers do: the i/net, profitability and corporate strategies. Rupert and Wendy apparently plan to spend the summer there, exchanging sweet nothings with other billionaires and their passing toadies and lickspittles. May-December love's a wonderful thing. But when it comes to these wifestyles of the rich and infamous, Pandora says: "A Tuscan estate? That's something I'd hate."

THEIR TIME is our money: yet 16 MPs managed to find a slot in their stressful schedules to sign a motion congratulating The Dandy on becoming the world's longest-running comic.

COURTNEY LOVE (pictured) says she could win a presidential election "if I wanted to". Oh, please want to, Courtney. With George "Shrub" Bush and Al "Wooden" Gore sticking their fronds in front, the Prez 2000 contest currently looks bosky.

EYES WIDE shut... or wide open? According to an online poll sampling 900 females, there's currently a 60-40 bias in favour of keeping your peepers peeled while enjoying carnal delight.

FASHIONISTAS TRACKING fresh looks should head north. Tartan will be everywhere next season.

NIKE TYKES, and their enquiring minds, have been wondering about those cryptic teasing posters - the ones the shoe-sellers have been using to hype Niketown, which opens in Oxford Street tomorrow. Here's a guide to some of the campaign's more impenetrable phrases. Boogie, adj: a hoops (basketball) player's quality dribbling skills. Dope, n (hoops): the real deal; French pastry, n (hoops): a move that's too flashy. Gnarly, adj (cycling): a rough trail marred by branches, wild animals and similar hassle. Go the tonk, v (cricket): to bat recklessly. Hail mary, interj (hoops): shot that hasn't a prayer of going in. Kill, gerund (tennis): an overhead smash that won't be returned. Miss one, v (rugby): a looping pass that wrongfoots the opposition by suddenly omitting the next player in the line that's running the ball. Pigeon, n (golf): a sucker who wants to bet you even though you'll toast them. Snapping the whip, v (tennis): a return that's so crisp, it cracks in the air while winning the point.

BOB GELDOF may not like Mondays, but research from the AA's transatlantic counterpart suggests Friday is the day to avoid hitting the road. Road rage, it contends, is most prevalent then; studies show that's when 26.1 per cent of all incidents happen. Other days to beware are Wednesday (17.4 per cent), and Tuesday and Thursday (both 15.9). But Saturday (10.1), Sunday (7.3) and Monday (7.3) are calmer. Oh, and apparently road rage incidents rise with the mercury - another example of rain being the best policeman. Pray for showers... and be careful out there.


KELVIN MACKENZIE: is the market starting to turn on him? "Despite the myths, Master MacKenzie was responsible for far fewer ideas than he is given credit for," says Ronald Spark. He spent more than 10 years in the trenches as a leader writer at The Sun during MacKenzie's supposed glory days. "MacKenzie is also too illiterate to write respectable prose."

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