Monday 13 September 1999
STEPHEN NORRIS: is he having second thoughts about running for mayor of London? Nozza is convinced he can be PM - dream on, sport - and his pals are urging him to drop out of the race, endorse Jeffrey Archer and fight Michael Portillo for the late Alan Clark's Ken and Chelsea seat. Norris would have the edge in one vital respect. The Poshopolis constituency's Conservative electorate will not need reminding that Norris is closer to Alan Clark than Portillo in that both Clark and Norris have form as masters of the mattress.
THE APA'S mobile phone has "gone missing" from the APA office. APA? That'd be the Association of Police Authorities, who spend all our cash on crime prevention initiatives...
DEBORAH MOGGACH, author of Tulip Fever, will get a surprise if she pops down to St John's Wood library. Last time we looked, her novel had been bedded down under "Gardening". In related bibliophile babble, John Howard, the Australian Premier, happened to reveal that his very favourite bedtime reading actually includes a tome called The Complete Idiot's Guide to Getting Along With Difficult People.
A WOMAN flying in Air New Zealand business class is being offered compensation after finding a rat sitting on her lap. The airborne rodent was spotted after the Boeing 767-300 had left Los Angeles for Tahiti. "The passenger felt something on her right leg, lifted her blanket and found the rat sitting on her lap," a mouthpiece said. The animal's carcass was found under the cockpit floorboard after the plane had landed in Auckland. It was thought to be "an escaped pet".
SMUGGLING PETS on to aircraft is easier than you think. After all, drug smugglers sneak stuff aboard planes all the time, don't they? Which segues effortlessly into Pandora's continuing high-flyers coverage. You'll recall that more than 50 employees of American Airlines and a Lufthansa subsidiary were arrested on narcotics charges in Miami the other day. (They'd been using the planes to smuggle cocaine.) So American Airlines may reconsider its ad slogan. Last time we looked, it was: "There's something special in the air".
ANNA WINTOUR'S affair with Shelby Bryan, a rich guy, got so out of hand that President Clinton himself telephoned Bryan's wife to offer his condolences.
THIS JUST in - a production secretary is suing for sexual harassment. She alleges that TV suits manhandled her breasts, poured water down her blouse and whipped her bottom with a dog leash. The show concerned is called Politically Incorrect.
OH, AND an extremely indiscreet thesp (no dabs, no traces, no problem) repeated this little exchange of greetings to Pandora over the week-end: "Hello - I'm Maureen Lipman." "Hi - I'm Patsy Palmer." (Pause) Lipman: "Are you an actress?"
Saucer of milk to the grande dame at Michael Winner's table at the Park Lane Hotel. And always remember to dish it up cold.
Contact Pandora by e-mail: pan dora@ independent.co.uk
Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites
TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Planes go hybrid-electric in important step to greener flight
- 2 Christmas comes early to Hong Kong, as millions of bank notes spill out onto busy street
- 3 Antonio Martin shooting: Police and protesters clash over teenager's death just five miles from Ferguson, Missouri
- 4 Northern Lights above Britain: Stunning Aurora Borealis illuminates Northumberland sky on Christmas Eve
- 5 British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
Christmas Day TV guide 2014: What to watch from Strictly Come Dancing to the story of Frozen
Felicity Jones on being Stephen Hawking's wife in The Theory of Everything: 'I didn't want her to be a saint'
Best underrated Christmas movies: From Trading Places to While You Were Sleeping
Game of Thrones season five: First preview clip shows a beardy Tyrion, a moody Cersei and a distressed Arya
The Interview is finally released after Sony hack and terror threats – but reviews of North Korea satire are mixed
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
Rozanne Duncan: Ukip expels councillor for 'jaw-dropping' comments made in BBC TV interview
Germany anti-Islam protests: 17,000 march on Dresden against 'Islamification of the West'
Ukip member gets into Christmas spirit with Union Flag plea to Santa 'for our country back'
Panic Saturday: 13 million Britons spend £1.2bn – while 13 million others across the country live in poverty unable to afford food