Wednesday 15 September 1999
THE LUSTRE has faded from Glenda Jackson's Oscars - her mother polished the statuettes so vigorously that the glitter rubbed off. "They're just base metal underneath," says the London mayoral candidate. She now keeps the tarnished gongs in a box in her airing cupboard, "which is a perfect metaphor" she added.
A man telephoned his own obituary to his local paper on Friday, slashed his wrists early Saturday morning and lived to read Monday's headline about his abortive suicide. Julien Sans-Nom, a 33-year-old ambulance driver from La Rochelle, telephoned his girlfriend while drunk in the bathtub. She told his colleagues, and they arrived to find the man "in a pool of blood" - but alive. Julien told the French daily Liberation that he had felt obliged to go through with his Roman bath because he'd already phoned in the obituary. The lucky Lazarus celebrated his return to work this week with champagne and foie gras for his paramedic crew.
TALK RADIO is buzzing with the rumour that Kelvin MacKenzie has a sign at the bottom of his garden saying: "Where did it all go wrong"?
As talk of George W "Shrub" Bush's cocaine use continues to dog his campaign, Democrats are sporting bumper stickers: "Toot if you're backing Bush."
DIRTY DANCING? Does the preponderance of salsa-themed parties at this year's Labour confab mean that John and Pauline Prescott have to abandon their trad rock'n'roll jive?
Helen Mirren enjoyed a winning weekend in Manhattan: she flew in to collect an Emmy for her role in a TV series about Ayn Rand. But Mirren may well consider jetting away quickly. On Friday the city will be awash with hype about the 20th-anniversary re-release of a part she'd rather forget - in Bob Guccione's Caligula.
THE BBC has penetrated LWT's crack (or should that be cracked?) security at South Bank. Andrew Harrison of the Lab, LWT's production unit, found a leaflet on each desk this week. The flyers advertised an assistant producer's job, based in Wood Lane, on a forthcoming BBC documentary about the Italia Conti stage school.
So much for London bartenders, then. If the Lab is such a cool joint, how come their over-attitudinal bartenders were beaten out of at the TGI bartending awards this week by mixologists from Sale, Reading and Southampton? Big hat, no cattle.
STEFFI GRAF has been shopping for a boyfriend and she may have hit a winner - Andre Agassi. "It's a love match," says an on-the-ball boy who spotted them canoodling at a Tex-Mex restaurant this week.
A judge sentenced a 13-year-old youth to prison in the Midlands the other day. Yes, that is a little young for a custodial sentence. The boy's brief reminded Yerhonour that perhaps he'd strayed slightly from the sentencing guidelines? But the man in the bigwig was having none of it. "Down he goes," he insisted. It was resolved when the miscreant was returned from the big house with a note from the prison governor. It was pinned to the boy's coat...
OH, AND "A Labour of love bears a gift of joy." That's the schmooze; here's the news: this week's must-have stiffie is from Tony Blair, to honour London Fashion Week next Monday.
The dress code: "Fashionable." The word from Planet Fashion on that? "Excruciating." What will Tony wear? What will Cherie wear? Will Charles and Sarah be joining us? So stick around while the sticking's good...
GlastonburyWI to make debut appearance at Somerset festival
TV reviewIt has taken seven episodes for Game of Thrones season five to hit its stride
FilmPalme d'Or goes to radical and astonishing film that turns conventional thinking about immigrants on its head
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Caitlyn Jenner's mother Ester thought her daughter, formerly known as Bruce Jenner, had transitioned for money
- 2 Charles Kennedy 1959-2015: A gifted, compassionate politician whose career was cut short by the 'demon drink' - latest news
- 3 Alton Towers crash: Four seriously injured and 16 guests trapped as Smiler ride carriages collide
- 4 Ann Summers survey reveals the UK's favourite sex position
- 5 Gay teenager 'forced to have sex with his own mother' to 'cure' his homosexuality, campaigners in India say
Thousands of teenage girls enduring debilitating illnesses after routine school cancer vaccination
Migrants in Kos: Photos show real tragedy after Brits abroad complain of 'awkward' holidays
British tourists complain that impoverished boat migrants are making holidays 'awkward' in Kos
Michael Gove determined to scrap the Human Rights Act – even if Scotland retains it
Threat to scrap Human Rights Act could see UK follow Nazi example, warns UN official
Church of England 'one generation away from extinction' after dramatic loss of followers