Peter York on Ads: And here comes another science bit ...

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The Independent Culture
What do women want? The Pretty Polly answer is clear enough. They want to take their clothes off and have their mammary tissues stimulated inside a damn nice bra. Further, they want to do this under scientific conditions - in a wind tunnel, wired up to electrodes, in a sort of scientific shower cubicle affair, or some other place of restraint.

Given these ideal test conditions they'll say "OO" (as in "OO you are awful but I like you") practically all the time. They'll lie around the place for hours in bra and pants, lifting, cupping and squeezing, chorusing away.

In a large laboratory set, a white-coated big-speced Clark Kent introduces The Experiment. Behind him is an underdressed girl in the shower-cubicle thing. "It's everything you've always wanted to know about - ahem - but were afraid to ask." (But who exactly does want to know?)

Well, that gets the OOs going. Then a mock-Fifties schoolmistress in a Lana Turner sweater introduces "the history of how your bra began" and a gorgeous pupil is overtaken by inner turbulence and takes her shirt off.

Back in the lab, the scientist MC is in goggles in an observation room high above the floor. "We begin the test in five seconds." This allows the manipulation of breast-shaped controls, the pressing of buttons and pulling of levers, and provokes a complete frenzy of orgasmatron sounds on a sort of scratchy track. And the girls do their stuff in all that fetishistic confinement. There's a pale blonde girl, not unlike that Eva Herzigova; there's an elegant oriental girl in black bra and pants. "Big bras, small bras," say the girls, meaning big breasts, small breasts for mesmerised men. "I'm a sex goddess," says a girl in a wind tunnel, while a machine wear-tests a bra in a suggestive way. There's a nice little outside shot of hundreds of girls in bras demonstrating "it isn't a sexual thing, it's a natural thing".

There's a whole lot in here: Hefner; Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted ... ''; The Rocky Horror Show; Harrison Marks; "Take off your clothes and live"; Helmut Newton; the James Brown Loaded - in other words every cultural reference dear to the hearts of 11-year-old men.

Whether grown-up women will go a bundle on all that is less clear, but the approach triumphantly dares them to say a word and be branded as missing it. And perhaps it's meant to reach women more ... indirectly.

Anyway, this is alleged to be Chris Evans's favourite commercial of all time.