Peter York on Ads: And here comes another science bit ...
Sunday 06 June 1999
Given these ideal test conditions they'll say "OO" (as in "OO you are awful but I like you") practically all the time. They'll lie around the place for hours in bra and pants, lifting, cupping and squeezing, chorusing away.
In a large laboratory set, a white-coated big-speced Clark Kent introduces The Experiment. Behind him is an underdressed girl in the shower-cubicle thing. "It's everything you've always wanted to know about - ahem - but were afraid to ask." (But who exactly does want to know?)
Well, that gets the OOs going. Then a mock-Fifties schoolmistress in a Lana Turner sweater introduces "the history of how your bra began" and a gorgeous pupil is overtaken by inner turbulence and takes her shirt off.
Back in the lab, the scientist MC is in goggles in an observation room high above the floor. "We begin the test in five seconds." This allows the manipulation of breast-shaped controls, the pressing of buttons and pulling of levers, and provokes a complete frenzy of orgasmatron sounds on a sort of scratchy track. And the girls do their stuff in all that fetishistic confinement. There's a pale blonde girl, not unlike that Eva Herzigova; there's an elegant oriental girl in black bra and pants. "Big bras, small bras," say the girls, meaning big breasts, small breasts for mesmerised men. "I'm a sex goddess," says a girl in a wind tunnel, while a machine wear-tests a bra in a suggestive way. There's a nice little outside shot of hundreds of girls in bras demonstrating "it isn't a sexual thing, it's a natural thing".
There's a whole lot in here: Hefner; Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted ... ''; The Rocky Horror Show; Harrison Marks; "Take off your clothes and live"; Helmut Newton; the James Brown Loaded - in other words every cultural reference dear to the hearts of 11-year-old men.
Whether grown-up women will go a bundle on all that is less clear, but the approach triumphantly dares them to say a word and be branded as missing it. And perhaps it's meant to reach women more ... indirectly.
Anyway, this is alleged to be Chris Evans's favourite commercial of all time.
After giving gay film R-rating despite no sex or violencefilm
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Jeremy Clarkson 'sees no problem' with his racist language on Top Gear, says BBC
- 2 Richard Dawkins on babies with Down Syndrome: 'Abort it and try again – it would be immoral to bring it into the world'
- 3 London restaurant 34 creates champagne glass modelled on Kate Moss’ left breast
- 4 ALS ice bucket challenge co-founder Corey Griffin drowns, aged 27
- 5 James Foley beheading: Fox news presenter Megyn Kelly annoyed by Ferguson update during broadcast about murdered journalist
Philip Larkin: Misogynist, racist, miserable? Or caring, playful man who lived for others?
Jeremy Clarkson 'sees no problem' with his racist language on Top Gear, says BBC
Lucy, film review: Scarlett Johansson will blow your mind in Luc Besson's complex thriller
JK Rowling pens new Harry Potter story on Pottermore: Introducing 'Singing Sorceress' Celestina Warbuck
Britain's ugliest buildings: Which monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?
Richard Dawkins on babies with Down Syndrome: 'Abort it and try again – it would be immoral to bring it into the world'
Scottish independence: English people overwhelmingly want Scotland to stay in the UK
Isis threat: Cameron wants an alliance with Iran
Michael Brown shooting: Chaos erupts on the streets of Ferguson after autopsy shows teenager was shot six times – twice in the head
Bin bag full of cats' heads discovered near Manchester's Curry Mile
Disgusting, frustrating, but intriguing: how the country really feels about its politicians