Poetic Licence

Skittish safety standards approved

An electronic device known as The Gaydar goes on sale soon. Its function is to discreetly alert cruising gays to each others' presence. Whilst conducting early tests however, its inventor - who has since fine-tuned the pager - found himself being pursued by an amorous badger

THE BOLD inventor left his lab

to test on this occasion

A new device for meeting friends

of similar persuasion

Discretion being the better part

of valour in such cases,

He waited later in the day

to put it through its paces.

But cruising through a Surrey park

the man and his invention,

A fellow of a different stripe

and amorous intention

Approached him in the thickening gloom

fired-up by the vibration

And pointed out: "Some badgers, too,

stop at The Other Station.

"Despite cross-species bonding

being especially taboo,

That sound you make attracts me so

I'll break the rules for you

Though badger-human interface

Is frowned on by the law

Why shouldn't man and badger

step out proudly hand-in-paw?

"My father would be horrified

and likely die of shock

Those Shaving Brush atrocities

still haunt the older brock

There's more to life than cubs

and wife

and what our folks can't handle

As youngsters forage far and wide

to seek what lights our candle.

"Not just a case of Badger Pride

but badger courage too,

And batting for the other side

I bat my eyes at you

I wouldn't say our first foray

will go without a hitch

But please don't run away from me.

Well... suit yourself, you bitch."

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