Skittish safety standards approved
Thursday 03 June 1999
THE BOLD inventor left his lab
to test on this occasion
A new device for meeting friends
of similar persuasion
Discretion being the better part
of valour in such cases,
He waited later in the day
to put it through its paces.
But cruising through a Surrey park
the man and his invention,
A fellow of a different stripe
and amorous intention
Approached him in the thickening gloom
fired-up by the vibration
And pointed out: "Some badgers, too,
stop at The Other Station.
"Despite cross-species bonding
being especially taboo,
That sound you make attracts me so
I'll break the rules for you
Though badger-human interface
Is frowned on by the law
Why shouldn't man and badger
step out proudly hand-in-paw?
"My father would be horrified
and likely die of shock
Those Shaving Brush atrocities
still haunt the older brock
There's more to life than cubs
and what our folks can't handle
As youngsters forage far and wide
to seek what lights our candle.
"Not just a case of Badger Pride
but badger courage too,
And batting for the other side
I bat my eyes at you
I wouldn't say our first foray
will go without a hitch
But please don't run away from me.
Well... suit yourself, you bitch."
Arts & Ents blogs
The Independent Bath Literature Festival: 'Top Gear' makes Saudis look liberal, Kirsty Wark tells book festival
Too upsetting? Academy members voted for Oscar-winning 12 Years A Slave 'without watching it'
Mad about the girl: The cult of Veronica Mars
Stewart Lee: Beware - this man may be only joking
Liam Neeson turned down James Bond role because late wife Natasha Richardson said she wouldn't marry him if he took it
Britain's top vet sparks controversy with call for ban on slashing animals' throats in 'ritual' slaughters for halal and kosher meat products
Ukraine crisis: Russia dismisses '3am ultimatum' as 'total nonsense'
If you're horrified by a flame-roasted dog, you should be shocked at a hog roast
Poor 'live like animals' says Boris's privately educated sister after going on 'poverty safari'
White people become less racist just by moving to more diverse areas, study finds
Exclusive: Impact of immigrants on British workers ‘negligible’
- 1 International Women's Day 2014: The shocking statistics that show why it is still so important
- 2 Orgasm machine to deliver climax at the push of a button
- 3 Singapore sting: Sky-high prices are pushing locals to the edge of affordability
- 4 Liam Neeson turned down James Bond role because late wife Natasha Richardson said she wouldn't marry him if he took it
- 5 Dead woman's body found sitting in a car after six years after direct debits ran $54,000 bank account dry