Skittish safety standards approved
Thursday 03 June 1999
THE BOLD inventor left his lab
to test on this occasion
A new device for meeting friends
of similar persuasion
Discretion being the better part
of valour in such cases,
He waited later in the day
to put it through its paces.
But cruising through a Surrey park
the man and his invention,
A fellow of a different stripe
and amorous intention
Approached him in the thickening gloom
fired-up by the vibration
And pointed out: "Some badgers, too,
stop at The Other Station.
"Despite cross-species bonding
being especially taboo,
That sound you make attracts me so
I'll break the rules for you
Though badger-human interface
Is frowned on by the law
Why shouldn't man and badger
step out proudly hand-in-paw?
"My father would be horrified
and likely die of shock
Those Shaving Brush atrocities
still haunt the older brock
There's more to life than cubs
and what our folks can't handle
As youngsters forage far and wide
to seek what lights our candle.
"Not just a case of Badger Pride
but badger courage too,
And batting for the other side
I bat my eyes at you
I wouldn't say our first foray
will go without a hitch
But please don't run away from me.
Well... suit yourself, you bitch."
TVEnough to make ardent arachnophobes think twice
Will explain back story to fictional kingdom Westeros
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