The National Happiness Index by Martin Newell illustration by Andrew Birch
Thursday 26 November 1998
Can we measure happiness?
Labour answers firmly, "Yes."
But in case of lingering doubt.
Try these indicators out:
Rainy day, with cup of tea
Lying in bed with small t.v.
British film, made '43
"Heppy dahling?" Terribly.
Moving out of well-loved house
Due to job-loss/errant spouse
Going back to clean the thing
Crying in car of rebound fling.
Waking without aching head
After vat of Spanish red
Having got away with it
Due to some divine remit.
Stuck on train one weekday night
Driver waiting for green light
Tannoy burbling in old norse
While you miss the latest Morse.
Local, full of Bridget Joneses
Shouting in their mobile phoneses
Smoking, drinking G.& T.
Far too noisy. (not v.g.)
Friday night at five-to-eight
Wedge in pocket, red-hot date
Just about to go for beer
Cat crawls in with torn-off ear.
Saturday in Casualty
After gardening tragedy
Sat behind two football yobs
Listening to distant sobs.
Taking all these factors in
Giving it the usual spin
Are we happy? Do we know?
Yeah. Delirious. Can I go?
tv Jenny Lee may have left, but Miranda Hart and the rest of the midwives deliver the goods
Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites
TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Planes go hybrid-electric in important step to greener flight
- 2 Antonio Martin shooting: Police and protesters clash over teenager's death just five miles from Ferguson, Missouri
- 3 Northern Lights above Britain: Stunning Aurora Borealis illuminates Northumberland sky on Christmas Eve
- 4 British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
- 5 Hip hop is both racial and political, and for Iggy Azalea to suggest otherwise is insulting
Christmas Day TV guide 2014: What to watch from Strictly Come Dancing to the story of Frozen
Best underrated Christmas movies: From Trading Places to While You Were Sleeping
Felicity Jones on being Stephen Hawking's wife in The Theory of Everything: 'I didn't want her to be a saint'
Game of Thrones season five: First preview clip shows a beardy Tyrion, a moody Cersei and a distressed Arya
The Interview is finally released after Sony hack and terror threats – but reviews of North Korea satire are mixed
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
British actor Idris Elba cannot star as James Bond because he is black, says shock jock Rush Limbaugh
Rozanne Duncan: Ukip expels councillor for 'jaw-dropping' comments made in BBC TV interview
Germany anti-Islam protests: 17,000 march on Dresden against 'Islamification of the West'
Ukip member gets into Christmas spirit with Union Flag plea to Santa 'for our country back'
Panic Saturday: 13 million Britons spend £1.2bn – while 13 million others across the country live in poverty unable to afford food