Poetic Licence: Resurrection Re-spin

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The Independent Culture
The Archbishop of Canterbury caused controversy this week by saying that the Resurrection was a matter of faith rather than certainty. In the same document, `Jesus 2000', he launched an attack on the Church, claiming that it "defamed the name of Jesus"

A Resurrection re-script, right?

A brand new take for modern times.

You can't just leave them in the lurch

By doing a Ratner on The Church.

You've axed the main part of the act

They liked that bit and that's a fact.

The loaves and fishes; in or out?

The miracles? Could be in doubt.

Your modern churchgoer now expects

Some fireworks, lights and sound effects.

With Hell already watered down,

The Devil ridden out of town,

The customers won't like the news

You may well lose more bums on pews.

The thing about your modern firm,

Although it makes the old guard squirm

Is run it like a 3-hop shop.

Christened. Wedded. Buried. Stop.

You'll pull your punters in that way

And then they'll stick around to pray.

This other bit will have to go:

A long-haired geezer with a beard

Attacks financial institution/

Tables over/ Resolution?

Money lenders miffed a bit

But then he gets away with it.

You couldn't write that sketch today

What might your City sponsors say?

They'd label him an anarchist

And then you'll lose your Eucharist.

We've had our top guys on this thing

And flew it in to Marketing

Who said, the way to make a bomb

Is interactive CD ROM

An in-house package Cyber-Preacher

Resurrection Option feature.

You boost your score the more you play

Then up He comes, the Second Day!

Now run this catchline up the pole:

"He's back. This time he wants your soul."

Well... whaddya think?