By battlements at Bunkerton, the castle
The remnants of an untouched "topping spread"
Since Scrapper, Doubting Thomas and Lord Snooty
Were ambushed by the Gasworks Gang instead
And Bunkerton is falling down
When I return to Beano Town
The Menace lies in wait for softy Walter
His catty and the shock of hair the same
And after the denouement, still shouts, "Ooyah!"
When punished by his dad in final frame.
A weekly thrashing on the bum
No social workers ever come.
Where Teacher wakes to mortar-boarded bedposts
Cane-patterns on his curtains, teeth in glass
A wife who calls him "dear" and is his double
Will make him tea and send him to his class
To teach what arid stuff he knows
And leaden-hearted, off he goes
Past Biffo, lateral thinker/style disaster
His weekly catch phrase: "Ah the very thing!"
Who's busy solving problems for a butcher
With giant magnet, fishing-rod and string.
The large white fiver which he's won
Not quite enough to buy a gun.
Then back in Bash Street, Danny, Plug and Fatty
Will watch resigned, as Smiffy gets it wrong
The Three Bears grow obese on mash and bangers
While Roger dreams up dodges all day long
And Little Plum, your redskin chum
Prefixes every noun with "Um"
Where mums remain at home to do the housework
And dads all have moustaches and a job
Where slipperings and canings come routinely
And slap-up feeds still only cost ten bob
Where order never quite broke down
For long decades in Beano Town
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