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Poetic Licence: Sooty - My Drugs Hell

The Independent Television Commission has upheld complaints about Sooty and Sweep encouraging dangerous behaviour among children. This followed an episode in which the puppets behaved oddly after sniffing oils from aromatherapy bottles.

When the scandal broke, a tight-lipped Sooty

Baseball-cap pulled down across his face

Read the papers, speeding from the courtroom

Tabloid hacks on motorbikes gave chase

Current pictures of the pale puppet

Contrast badly with an early one:

Happier days with drumkit by the seaside.

"What Is Wrong With Sooty?" screams The Sun.

Panda Sue: "We all just felt so powerless

Watching him descend the slippery slope

No one knew the pressure he was under

And I guess he found it hard to cope."

In a private clinic near Roehampton

Sweep toyed with his salad and confessed:

"Me an' Soot? We went for it, yeah. Big-style.

But it's what you do when you're the best.

Don't think we're the only ones to go there.

Teletubbies. They won't last the pace.

Check out Tinky Winky on a bad day.

There's a boy who isn't on the case."

Sooty: "Everyone's been so supportive.

All the cast have sent me cards and stuff

Since the story broke on Monday morning

That was when the gig got really rough.

Hopefully the worst of it's behind me

Now that Geri's brought me here to France

And of course, George Michael lent his chateau

Thanks to them, I've got this second chance.

That's the danger when you're in this business

Some of us burn out before we peak

Look at Sweep, he never got his voice back

Over 40 years he's had that squeak

Not something you talk about in public

Basically, you fear what fans will think

People's hands inside you each performance

That's the one that sends you to the brink."