Pop: Lyric Sheets
Friday 09 October 1998
The Would-Be Kings
The cats who would be Elvis
Lined up to take the stand
Inviting tart remarks from
A smirking pick-up band
A Chesterfield grocer
In outsize rhinestone jacket
Was half-way into "Hound Dog"
But found he couldn't hack it
The strain upon the pelvis
From wiggling his hip
Neuralgia in the mornings
From practising The Lip
Had all come down to nothing
The work of all those
The theatre was
As Elvis left in tears
A "GI Blues" from
A "Jailhouse Rock"
A "Teddy Bear" from
Who didn't fit the bill
And as a traffic warden
Was incorrectly dressed
With strong north-eastern
Which nixed the spoken
The month's auditions over
They hadn't found a thing
Except an agent's tip-off
And number left to ring
They dialled the mystery Elvis
And waited as it rang
A person picked the phone up
The voice said: "kd lang..."
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- 4 Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
- 5 Orange Wednesdays are no more
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