Poppy Folly Your Stars: it Could Happen

It's not a very British sign, Libra, and if proof were needed, look at the number of foreigners born under it - Mario Buatta, Ivo Pogorelich, Bela Lugosi, Merlina Mercouri, Pierre Trudeau and Princess Michiko Shoda. The list is endless. Even John Profumo cannot conceal his Italian origins from astrology's searching diagnostic capacity. Pope Pius II didn't even try.

But it's perverse, isn't it? English Librans, such as Arthur Rimbaud, wrote in French, and French Librans, such as John le Carre, write in English. Catherine Deneuve doesn't write at all and doesn't even care. But that's the secret of Libra. They are all over the place. Mad women's breakfasts are not further flung.

From the boringly predictable (Evel Knievel and Timothy Leary) to ecstatic inspirationalists such as Lady Thatcher, Librans are also the greatest flirts in the zodiac. They have very strong morals, but so elastic that they can do anything they want. And Lord, but they want a lot. When they go the wrong way they build enormous cathedrals (Sir Christopher Wren) or knock them down (Sir Arthur "Bomber" Harris).

The only thing left is to reveal what they're like in bed. They're not like anything in bed. The reason why women never object to sex with Libran men is that they don't realise it's going on.

Libran women are less perverted than other signs of the zodiac, so they don't have any real friends. However, they are cheerful collaborators in anything from the ludic to the ludicrous. They put gas masks, rubber suits and bondage bars into the former category. What's left of their sex drive goes into interior decoration, and this creates unusual hallway effects.

As we see from the example of Sarah Bernhardt, Librans are the zodiac's greatest sulkers (love means never having to be the first to say you're sorry).

And that's all there is to say about that. Next week Scorpio (Wah! Hide!)

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