Silly Question: Anon fires off a blank

Click to follow
The Independent Culture
DEFYING logic, a large number of people wrote to us to explain why they do not write to newspapers.

Lorraine Mann, Eileen Bissett and Richard Exell all did not write because they knew their letters would not be published. Timothy N Wells says: 'I never write to newspapers because they never write to me.' He promises to 'continue to reserve my letters for matters of serious concern'. We are glad he spotted the seriousness of this one.

Ann Tuppleyew writes on behalf of all committed non-writers to claim that their opinions are 'as worthless as any of the thousands of obscure beliefs being written in to newspapers daily'. She goes on to point out that biscuit-makers make more profit on multi-layered biscuits, so 'line up the product very carefully to ensure that the opener will always cut into the filling', thus answering N Orme's query of last week.

Back with the non-letter writers, Bruce Howell says it is because he knows that we don't have room to print his name, while Keith Williams has 'too little time, too few stamps'. Mr Williams also claims to know, interestingly enough, why things introduced by the words 'interestingly enough' generally aren't, but unfortunately he does not tell us the answer, because it's not interesting enough.

Simon Howes did not write to us because he was too busy talking to the wireless. Eileen Thompson expands on the themes of time, application and inferiority complex, all combining to dilute her fervour for writing, 'and by writing to you today, I've knocked massive holes through all the excuses we non-writers usually use'.

Angela, of Enfield, does not write because she is only 11 months old and her mum thinks I am silly, and Paul Stanjer of the same address wrote to explain why he did not write to newspapers, but quickly found himself no longer in a position to do so. Anon of Trowbridge replied to the question with a blank page.

This week we should like to know: Why are greyhounds not grey? (Brian French); why don't brides marry the best man? (Iain Cowan); why do the police seal off an area after the crime, rather than before it? (Ian McLauchlin); do people who send silly questions to papers really think they are silly? (Keith Williams).

Answers, and more silly questions on matters of serious concern please, to Silly Question, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB.