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ITV will be launching a 10-minute 'mini-soap' to enliven This Morning; the BBC denounced the axing of Eldorado as 'wild speculation' (while a billboard ad for recycled loo-roll announced 'In my previous life I was an Eldorado script'); safety experts protested against a Jeremy Beadle prank involving a talking corpse - the victim could have suffered heart failure; and Channel 4 are to screen a nude puppet show, complete with a bedroom torture scene and wooden nookie.

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