THE CHRISTMAS CELEBRITY C-LIST

Whether Tim Supple likes it or not, celebrities are the name of the game. Bath's Jack and the Beanstalk boasts lovely Lionel Blair (above, with Barbara Windsor) in the title role (Jack, not the beanstalk). They've even bagged Britt Ekland as the F airy, a role taken in Birmingham by daytime TV's jaunty Judi Spiers. Her coachload of celebs includes Su Hi di Hi Pollard, the post-Crackerjack (with or without pencils) Don McLean and Scorpio from Gladiators.

Nolan watchers will be spending a fortune chasing the sisters about. Barnsley has got Linda's Dick (Whittington); Hastings has Maureen in Babes in the Wood; Amanda is in Edmonton's Cinderella; Bernadette's up the beanstalk in Brighton; Denise is Gravesend's Snow White while Rhyll thrills to Ann in the same role. And I thought there were only five of them.

For double damehood, head for Crawley to catch Hinge and Bracket in Beauty and the Beast. But wait: one of the cast is missing. Rainbow's George and Zippy are there, but where is Bungle? There are rumours of foul play. The truth is our three friends havebeen cloned. All three of them are in Birmingham but only two in Crawley. Clearly, the experiment did not go according to plan.

Is there anyone left on EastEnders? Swansea nabbed Nick Cotton and Ian Beale; Hackney has Cindy, Basingstoke has Barbara Windsor and Grant Mitchell is King Rat in Southend's Dick Whittington, which also stars Rod Hull and his trusty Emu who, it is hoped , will have at least one scene with the Captain - the Sun's own Garry Bushell.

Annabel Croft is in York's Cinderella, Tessa Sanderson is Bournemouth's Girl Friday, but the winner is Wimbledon. Its Cinderella stars Ian Botham, June Whitfield as the Fairy Godmother (who better?) and Rolf Harris. With didjeridoo, we trust.