Director: Peter Greenaway
Starring: John Standing, Matthew Delamere
Mourning the death of his wife, Standing's businessman undergoes an unorthodox spot of bereavement therapy when he and his son usher a Noah's Ark set of concubines into their plush Geneva harem. Unfortunately, Greenaway's anaesthetised examination of sex and death falls prey to the director's worst vices. Beautiful, but dead.
West End: Curzon Soho, Odeon Camden Town, Ritzy Cinema
END OF DAYS (18, 110 mins)
Director: Peter Hyams
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne
The plot of the elephantine End of Days runs something like this: Byrne's horny little Devil chases Robin Tunney's luvverly lady through end-of- the-century Gotham. Schwarzenegger's brawny Sir Galahad plays harassed chaperone. We get flaming clouds, machine-guns and garbled Biblical theorising. A revelation: Arnie blubbers over the fate of his wife and kiddie. A travesty: Arnie becomes a Christ figure who saves our souls. "Please God, gimme strength," the wooden one mutters at the end. Our sentiments exactly.
West End: Odeon Camden Town, Odeon Kensington, Odeon Marble Arch, Odeon West End, UCI Whiteleys, Virgin Chelsea And local cinemas
THE FIVE SENSES (15, 101 mins)
Director: Jeremy Podeswa
Starring: Mary-Louise Parker, Pascale Bussieres
Five characters, five senses (touch, taste, etc) and one apartment building. One director moving between five interlocking stories, rustling up one decent Canadian art-movie of delicate plotting, oblique playing and simmering emotional fire.
West End: Curzon Soho, Curzon Minema
THE LAST YELLOW (15, 93 mins)
Director: Julian Farino
Starring: Mark Addy, Charlie Creed-Miles
Farino's kitchen-sink crime caper dispatches two bumbling Leicester losers (Addy, Creed-Miles) to London on a mission of vengeance, sees them holed up in a cramped flat with a feisty hostage (Samantha Morton). Addy has a mullet and a Hawaiian shirt and Creed-Miles looks like he's been heavily influenced by Tim Roth's nerd icon from Mean Time. Morton sits tied to a chair with a T-shirt pulled over her head.
West End: Virgin Haymarket
THE LIMEY (18, 89 mins)
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Starring: Terence Stamp, Peter Fonda
See The Independent Recommends, right.
West End: ABC Tottenham Court Road, Barbican Screen, Chelsea Cinema, Clapham Picture House, Odeon Swiss Cottage, Ritzy Cinema, Screen on the Green, UCI Whiteleys, Virgin Fulham Road, Warner Village West End Repertory: Phoenix Cinema Local: Richmond Odeon Studio
THE MUSE (PG, 96 mins)
Director: Albert Brooks
Starring: Albert Brooks, Sharon Stone
This bright, bantamweight satire has Brooks (the film's writer-director- star) as a Hollywood also-ran, whose fortunes take a dramatic upswing when he starts courting Stone's bratty and demanding Muse (turns out that she's a daughter of Zeus). Brooks's droll, hangdog appearance sets the tone nicely, while a clutch of cameos (James Cameron, Martin Scorsese) add to the fun.
West End: Virgin Trocadero, Warner Village West End Local: Edmonton Lee Valley UCI 12, Feltham Cineworld The Movies, Newham Showcase