The News Quiz

1. Who said their life was "like being trapped in a soap opera?"

a)Paula Yates

b)Bob Geldof

c)Barbara Windsor

d)Monica Lewinsky

2. Who accused Clinton of shaming the nation and paralysing the government with immature sexual behaviour?

a)Monica's therapist?

b)Monica's rabbi?

c)Monica's mother?

3. Who has offered a new "doctoring service" for embarrassing photographs?

4. Husbands and wives. Which wife...

a)...is accompanying hubby on a trip to Brunei and Malaysia?

b)...was booted out by her drunken spouse?

c)...demonstrated her soccer skills?

d)...was driven to murder her husband on Valentine's Day?

e)...kept Hillary Clinton company at the White House this week while spouses fielded potentially embarrassing questions?

5. Picture question: Daddy's girls

Match the fathers with their daughters:

6. Who dutifully accompanied her daddy to court where he was bailed on perjury and conspiracy charges?

7. Who bared slightly less than her father for the sake of promotion?

8. Who made Monica throw a temper tantrum?

9. What is 'kebabbing' and who practices it?

a)The latest culinary craze - Two Fat Ladies.

b)Aggressive political interviewing - Jeremy Paxman and John Humphrys?

c)See Starr report, Section IV, appendix VII - you know who.

10. Who sought sanctuary in a specially built tunnel in Buckinghamshire?

a)Mel B

b)8,000 minks freed by animal activists from a fur farm.

c)Swampy

11. Who were accused of being "greedy bastards" this week?

a)British boardroom fat cats.

b)Tottenham Hotspur when they rejected an offer valuing the Premiership outfit at pounds 80m.

c)The lawyers advising John Major on the young princes' rights - Prince Charles is reported to be demanding an explanation for the pounds 400,000 bill.

12. Picture question: Who's the odd one out here?

a)Jerry Springer b)Hugh Hefner c)Bob Dole d)Richard and Judy

13. Name that pet.....

a)The dog who wasn't a dog?

b)The cat who was burnt, dumped and then awarded "Pet Survivor of the Year".

c)Japan's latest "Robocat?"

d)He was pictured licking the President in the White House yesterday.

14. Who plans to exchange jingoism and Union Jack flags for a more modern image?

a)The Conservatives at this year's party conference?

b)Organisers of next year's Proms?

c)Buckingham Palace?

15.Picture question: Who's the odd one out here?

a)Princess Di b)Fergie c)Geri Halliwell

Answers

1 b) Bob Geldof in an interview with The Mirror

2 b)Monica's rabbi

3 Boots the chemist

4 a)Gaynor and foreign secretary Robin Cook; b)Patsy and Liam; c)Cherie Blair to launch Britain's first football school for women in Co Durham; d)Helen Cummings, the British nurse who shot her husband dead after discovering photographs of another woman; e)Mrs Dagmer Havel and Vaclav Havel, President of the Czech Republic

5 3,Richard Branson and B, Holly; 2, Jonathan Aitken and A, Alexandra; 1, Walter Mondale and C, Eleanor.

6 Victoria Aitken

7 Holly Branson, one week after dad appeared on TV, naked except for a newspaper, daughter posed in Cosmopolitan - modelling Virgin's new clothes collection

8 Eleanor Mondale, daughter of former Vice-Presidential candidate Walter Mondale, when it was discovered she was a White House guest of Clinton's

9 Answer: c)Paxo and John Humphrys and other political interviewers will be told to carry on "kebabbing" their victims by public demand

10 Answer: a)Mel B and bridegroom Jimmy Gulzar plus wedding guests escaped the media glare in a canvas tunnel leading from the church to a marquee

11 Answer: a) John Edmonds talking at the TUC conference at Blackpool accused top execs of indulging in the "politics of the pig trough"

12 Answer: All have confessed to taking Viagra except for Richard and Judy who got three couples to test the drug on their morning show

13 a)Sprite, the Jack Russell terrier declared an honorary cat to get round a centuries-old college rule at Queen's College, Cambridge, where dogs are banned; b)Smokey, given the award by the animal charity PDSA; c)Tama, developed by a Japanese company, is an android cat with moods that change according to how it's treated; d)Buddy, Clinton's dog

14 Answer; a)This week the Conservative Central Office revealed its plans for a less stuffy annual conference

15 Fergie is the only one who hasn't managed to auction any of her dresses - Geri's Union Jack micro-dress sold at Sotheby's this week for pounds 41,000 and Di's were auctioned in New York last year