The Weekly Muse

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Two grouse - or should that be two grice?

Awaiting final orders

Both noted that the Twelfth had passed

As dawn came to the Borders

A cancelled shoot, poor breeding stocks,

The Birds in buoyant mood

With months of freedom looming

And Viagra in their food

They idly scanned the papers

While lounging in a thicket

When one jumped up, saying "Bloody hell!

We've only won the cricket."

Continuing to brouse, he read.

"These chicken farmers say

That playing your birds some music

Means you get a better lay."

"Oh really?" Said the other grouse

"I've never been a fan.

D' you want a shot of whiskey?

I've got some 'Famous Man'".

Meanwhile, in Wordsworth country

With Kendall Mint in bag

I went in search of daffodils

And almost scored some skag

It hasn't changed a bit, I thought

The police don't seem too keen

But Coleridge and De Quincey

Would have dug this crazy scene

Abroad the Russian markets

Are heading for a fall

And "Zippergate" in U.S.A.

Continues to enthral

Since lawyers for The President

Are gambling on success

It's looking like a toss-up now

On Ms. Lewinsky's dress

And this just in: "More Trains Run Late."

Wrong type of firms behind them

"Three million women drink too much."

I wish that I could find them.

Declare your outside interests?

The Lords are keeping quiet.

The planet's hot. The summer's not.

And mink are running riot

The news from I.Q. City

Oxford Dictionary-wise

Is tough on old grammarians

Who won't acclimatise

To boldly go and split infinitives

Strangely is now okay

But it also crocks my metre and cadences

So I promise not do it after today.