A tractor works the field's edge
As seagulls mob the autumn plough
Winter is preparing now.
A haze hangs late in afternoon
Across the nail-clipping moon
While poetry correspondent, Newell
Stands gazing in a boggy pool.
Our rarest living vertebrates
The pool frogs, Rana lessonae
Are being fixed up with Swedish mates
A spokes-amphibian said, "Wahay!
The chance of pool frogs finding love
Are less than zilch in these parts guv.
The breeding programme needs a shove
Know what I mean? Geddin there bruv."
A species more endangered now
The British farmer, takes his case
To Whitehall, where they view his cow
As info on their database.
And men in charge of crisis coffers
Grudgingly make tiny offers
Never seeing, away from town
The land go wild, as farms close down
Instead they purse their nanny lips
And reaffirm their guardianships
By handing out nutrition tips
To stop our children eating chips
And after seven hundred years
It's time to say goodbye to peers
Those hoary-headed trembling hordes
Who slumber in the House Of Lords
Must now take to ancestral beds
To catch up on their daytime zeds
Shirley Porter, Shirley Porter
Doing what she didn't oughta
Sold the council's bricks and mortar
Moved the dosh across the water
This is fairly sensitive
That's why she's in Tel Aviv
The navy's changed in many ways
Especially since the Hornblower days
Whatever happened to romance?
And who's `Commander Underpants?'
The image cracks. The truth bursts forth
The south is friendlier than the north
This information comes to me
From York, whose university
Has dug itself a great big hole.
With findings of its recent poll
Go south and try our Instant Beer
Y'all come back sometime. Y'hear?Reuse content