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Waxy O'Connors

14-16 Rupert St, London W1 (0171-287 0255)

Cavernous Irish "pub" which seems to be more of a village, with tinkers' huts, shops and bits of churches. Now has a dedicated dining area.

Football Football

57-60 Haymarket, SW1 (0171-930 9970)

Homage to "the beautiful game" which suggests its adherents have no concept of what beauty is. Staff in footie strips; memorabilia on the walls; PlayStations for the kids.

Fashion Cafe

5-6 Coventry St, London W1 (0171-287 5888)

Hyper-naff joint selling adequate burgers at inadequate prices, trying to seem exclusive with greeters pretending to check you over at the door and Naomi Campbell (above) parading her flat stomach on huge video screens.

Rainforest Cafe

20 Shaftesbury Ave, London W1 (0171-434 3111)

So barkingly over-the-top it is almost charming, a Disney-style rainforest with plastic rocks, parrot sound-effects and the same food as elsewhere.

Babe Ruth's

172-176 The Highway, London E1 (0171-481 8181)

Baseball-themed restaurant full of City workers. A total mystery why anyone British would be interested in the interior theme.