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Confessions Simon Mayo-fronted farrago of audience humiliation. Get John Birt trussed up in the studio and ask him if he really thinks this is the way forward for the BBC. Sat 7.10pm BBC1

Cilla's World Not that we don't love you, Cilla, but your proper place is in the Blind Date studios playing winking Madam to vacuous, pretty young things. Leave the boot-licking celeb interviews to Melvyn Bragg. Sun 8pm ITV

That's Showbusiness No it isn't! Showbusiness is about entertaining people, not having a bored panel of C-listers grind through a "quiz" just so they can pay the mortgage. Mon 7pm BBC1

Brookside The "plague" - clever homage to Albert Camus, or sheer scriptwriters' desperation? Fri, Tue, Wed C4