turn offs

Ice Skating It might make a better spectator sport if the rink were suspended over a sulphurous pit of fire, so that we could see these poor, over-made-up, grinning sinners show a bit of fear as the ice melts and they confront their impending immolation. Just a thought. Fri 9.30pm BBC2

Beadle's About Beadle's about as amusing as getting up in the morning and finding that your cafetire is full of someone else's vomit. There are those who might argue that his licence to appear on television ought to be ceremonially burnt. Instead, he's got a new series of this sewer- licking pap. Sat 7.15pm ITV

Classic Motorcycles Tedious salivation over shiny metal things with various tubular protuberances. You may as well call it "massive phalluses" and have done with it. Tue 8pm C4