Life on the breadline, by Bear Grylls
Tim Walker is The Independent’s Los Angeles correspondent, covering entertainment and other concerns from the West Coast of the US. He was previously a features writer and the editor of the paper’s diary column. His first novel, Completion, is being published in January 2014.
Friday 16 March 2012
I'm in London, I've left my job with the Discovery Channel in the US, and the houseboat fridge is dangerously low on supplies.
If you risk nothing, you gain nothing. So, with the weather closing in, I'm forced to fish in the treacherous Thames shallows with a spear fashioned from one of my wife Shara's coat-hangers. Trout are scarce, but I don't come back empty-handed: I lance a discarded nappy as it floats by. Worn as a hat, it insulates my head and helps to prevent dehydration. When she gets home, Shara does her "angry Mummy Bear" face and sends me to forage in Sainsbury's with Huckleberry, our youngest cub. During the rainy season, there's plenty of food about if you know where to look: in the ready-meals aisle, I come across a curry-flavoured Pot Noodle. You can tear these nasty-looking critters open and scoop out the soft insides. It's a bit dry, so serve it with your own recycled urine. In the battle for survival, you've got to have a strong stomach.
*As told by Tim Walker
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Expert urges cat lovers to own just one animal each
- 2 Car tax disc changes: Two days to go - and they affect you much more than just not displaying a piece of paper
- 3 The Simpsons death: Creator Al Jean would 'kill himself' before character like Homer or Lisa
- 4 British man raped while urinating in bushes at Oktoberfest beer festival in Germany
- 5 A teacher speaks out: 'I'm effectively being forced out of a career that I wanted to love'
Black-ish: America's new 'racist' TV sitcom has had a mixed reception
Cilla, episode 3, ITV - review: Ed Stoppard steals the limelight as Beatles manager Brian Epstein
The Simpsons death: Creator Al Jean would 'kill himself' before character like Homer or Lisa
'Before They Pass Away': Endangered communities photographed 'like Kate Moss'
The Jungle Book: A tale as old as time
- < Previous
- Next >