Trending: A right royal turn off

view gallery VIEW GALLERY

The weather was atrocious and the TV coverage wasn't much better. Tim Walker gives his verdict on the Jubilee Pageant presenters' most painful moments

Matt & Sophie

"Was it just me, or did the Beeb's coverage of the Jubilee Big Boat Challenge feel like a five-hour episode of The One Show?" So tweeted the Corporation's embittered ex-employee, Jonathan Ross. And BBC1's teatime magazine show did appear to be the model for the day's programming. There was Matt Baker on the sofa, rictus-grinning at Sophie Raworth, their set's picture-window framed by an inexplicably pink rectangle. If Jeremy Clarkson had dropped by and threatened to shoot somebody, it might even have been entertaining.

Eamonn

Most people praised Sky's uncluttered coverage, but its grouchy anchor Eamonn Holmes would have preferred the BBC studio to his leaky canvas canopy. The Northern Irishman began the afternoon with the necessary platitudes about bad weather being all part of the fun, but ended it by whinging incessantly about his soggy back.

Kay

Sky's Jubilee team also featured Adam Boulton, Adam Boulton's bright pink jacket and the rolling news channel's resident soft-porn novelist, Kay Burley. Ms Burley accosted a pair of young monarchists on the South Bank. "Are you brother and sister?" she asked. "No," they replied, "we're both brothers." In Kay's defence, the boys were wearing Union Jack perm wigs.

Paul

Meanwhile, back on the Beeb, sports commentator Paul Dickenson was still working his way through his Thesaurus. Not a single boat went by without being awarded a hyperbolic adjective: splendid, magnificent, fabulous, majestic. Dickenson briefly became a trending topic, thanks to his repeated assertion that this might be "the BBC's Canaletto Moment". Wishful thinking, I fear.

John

It all seemed to be going rather well for doughty John Sergeant on Westminster Bridge, listening to Richard E Grant recite Wordsworth. Until Sergeant discussed with BBC weatherperson Carol Kirkwood how it had been similarly damp on the day of the Coronation: "You were around to see the Coronation, weren't you Carol?" No she wasn't, you old rascal. She was born in 1962!

Fearne

As the Spirit of Chartwell ferried the Queen between the raised halves of Tower Bridge, the BBC cut instead to HMS Belfast, where Fearne Cotton was talking loudly at war veterans. "Cor," she yelled at one of the heroic old buffers, "you got hit by a torpedo, didn't you, and held on to a dead shark!" Remarkably, the story was true.

Tess

Was it a beige hydrangea, or roadkill hedgehog? Either way, Tess Daly's fascinator did its job, keeping viewers interested during her all-too-frequent reports from the bandstand in Battersea Park.

Anneka

It's Anneka Rice! Back from oblivion! And chatting with the aspiring Canalettos who'd painted the scene. But paint and rain proved an unfortunate combination. When one lady revealed her handiwork, transformed by the weather into a Rorschach test, the presenter insisted it was Monet-esque. More like something Mark Rothko might've painted when he was suicidal.

PROMOTED VIDEO
Arts and Entertainment
Judd Apatow’s make-it-up-as-you-go-along approach is ideal for comedies about stoners and slackers slouching towards adulthood
filmWith comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
Arts and Entertainment
booksForget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment
Off set: Bab El Hara
tvTV series are being filmed outside the country, but the influence of the regime is still being felt
Arts and Entertainment
Red Bastard: Where self-realisation is delivered through monstrous clowning and audience interaction
comedy
Arts and Entertainment
O'Shaughnessy pictured at the Unicorn Theatre in London
tvFiona O'Shaughnessy explains where she ends and her strange and wonderful character begins
Arts and Entertainment
The new characters were announced yesterday at San Diego Comic Con

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Rhino Doodle by Jim Carter (Downton Abbey)

TV
Arts and Entertainment
No Devotion's Geoff Rickly and Stuart Richardson
musicReview: No Devotion, O2 Academy Islington, London
Arts and Entertainment
Christian Grey cradles Ana in the Fifty Shades of Grey film

film
Arts and Entertainment
Comedian 'Weird Al' Yankovic

Is the comedy album making a comeback?

comedy
Arts and Entertainment
While many films were released, few managed to match the success of James Bond blockbuster 'Skyfall'
film
Arts and Entertainment
Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in the first-look Fifty Shades of Grey movie still

film
Arts and Entertainment
Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc, centre, are up for Best Female TV Comic for their presenting quips on The Great British Bake Off

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Martin Freeman as Lester Nygaard in the TV adaptation of 'Fargo'

TV
Arts and Entertainment
A scene from Shakespeare in Love at the Noel Coward Theatre
theatreReview: Shakespeare in Love has moments of sheer stage poetry mixed with effervescent fun
Arts and Entertainment
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson stars in Hercules

film
Arts and Entertainment
Standing the test of time: Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd in 'Back to the Future'

film
Arts and Entertainment
<p><strong>2008</strong></p>
<p>Troubled actor Robert Downey Jr cements his comeback from drug problems by bagging the lead role in Iron Man. Two further films follow</p>

film
Arts and Entertainment

theatre
Arts and Entertainment
Tycoons' text: Warren Buffett and Bill Gates both cite John Brookes' 'Business Adventures' as their favourite book

books
Independent
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
santorini
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    A new Russian revolution: Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc

    A new Russian revolution

    Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc
    Eugene de Kock: Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

    Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

    The debate rages in South Africa over whether Eugene de Kock should ever be released from jail
    Standing my ground: If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?

    Standing my ground

    If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?
    Commonwealth Games 2014: Dai Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

    Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

    Welsh hurdler was World, European and Commonwealth champion, but then the injuries crept in
    Israel-Gaza conflict: Secret report helps Israelis to hide facts

    Patrick Cockburn: Secret report helps Israel to hide facts

    The slickness of Israel's spokesmen is rooted in directions set down by pollster Frank Luntz
    The man who dared to go on holiday

    The man who dared to go on holiday

    New York's mayor has taken a vacation - in a nation that has still to enforce paid leave, it caused quite a stir, reports Rupert Cornwell
    Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business, from Sarah Millican to Marcus Brigstocke

    Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business

    For all those wanting to know how stand-ups keep standing, here are some of the best moments
    The Guest List 2014: Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks

    The Guest List 2014

    Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
    Jokes on Hollywood: 'With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on'

    Jokes on Hollywood

    With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
    It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

    It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

    Voted for by the British public, the artworks on Art Everywhere posters may be the only place where they can be seen
    Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

    Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

    Blanche Marvin reveals how Tennessee Williams used her name and an off-the-cuff remark to create an iconic character
    Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

    Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

    Websites offering your ebooks for nothing is only the latest disrespect the modern writer is subjected to, says DJ Taylor
    Edinburgh Fringe 2014: The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee

    Edinburgh Fringe 2014

    The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee
    Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

    Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

    The woman stepping down as chair of the Heritage Lottery Fund is worried