Trending: A right royal turn off

view gallery VIEW GALLERY

The weather was atrocious and the TV coverage wasn't much better. Tim Walker gives his verdict on the Jubilee Pageant presenters' most painful moments

Matt & Sophie

"Was it just me, or did the Beeb's coverage of the Jubilee Big Boat Challenge feel like a five-hour episode of The One Show?" So tweeted the Corporation's embittered ex-employee, Jonathan Ross. And BBC1's teatime magazine show did appear to be the model for the day's programming. There was Matt Baker on the sofa, rictus-grinning at Sophie Raworth, their set's picture-window framed by an inexplicably pink rectangle. If Jeremy Clarkson had dropped by and threatened to shoot somebody, it might even have been entertaining.

Eamonn

Most people praised Sky's uncluttered coverage, but its grouchy anchor Eamonn Holmes would have preferred the BBC studio to his leaky canvas canopy. The Northern Irishman began the afternoon with the necessary platitudes about bad weather being all part of the fun, but ended it by whinging incessantly about his soggy back.

Kay

Sky's Jubilee team also featured Adam Boulton, Adam Boulton's bright pink jacket and the rolling news channel's resident soft-porn novelist, Kay Burley. Ms Burley accosted a pair of young monarchists on the South Bank. "Are you brother and sister?" she asked. "No," they replied, "we're both brothers." In Kay's defence, the boys were wearing Union Jack perm wigs.

Paul

Meanwhile, back on the Beeb, sports commentator Paul Dickenson was still working his way through his Thesaurus. Not a single boat went by without being awarded a hyperbolic adjective: splendid, magnificent, fabulous, majestic. Dickenson briefly became a trending topic, thanks to his repeated assertion that this might be "the BBC's Canaletto Moment". Wishful thinking, I fear.

John

It all seemed to be going rather well for doughty John Sergeant on Westminster Bridge, listening to Richard E Grant recite Wordsworth. Until Sergeant discussed with BBC weatherperson Carol Kirkwood how it had been similarly damp on the day of the Coronation: "You were around to see the Coronation, weren't you Carol?" No she wasn't, you old rascal. She was born in 1962!

Fearne

As the Spirit of Chartwell ferried the Queen between the raised halves of Tower Bridge, the BBC cut instead to HMS Belfast, where Fearne Cotton was talking loudly at war veterans. "Cor," she yelled at one of the heroic old buffers, "you got hit by a torpedo, didn't you, and held on to a dead shark!" Remarkably, the story was true.

Tess

Was it a beige hydrangea, or roadkill hedgehog? Either way, Tess Daly's fascinator did its job, keeping viewers interested during her all-too-frequent reports from the bandstand in Battersea Park.

Anneka

It's Anneka Rice! Back from oblivion! And chatting with the aspiring Canalettos who'd painted the scene. But paint and rain proved an unfortunate combination. When one lady revealed her handiwork, transformed by the weather into a Rorschach test, the presenter insisted it was Monet-esque. More like something Mark Rothko might've painted when he was suicidal.

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment

ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment

ebooks
Arts and Entertainment
Mark, Katie and Sanjay in The Apprentice boardroom
TV
Arts and Entertainment

Film The critics but sneer but these unfashionable festive films are our favourites

Arts and Entertainment
Frances O'Connor and James Nesbitt in 'The Missing'

TV We're so close to knowing what happened to Oliver Hughes, but a last-minute bluff crushes expectations

Arts and Entertainment
Joey Essex will be hitting the slopes for series two of The Jump

TV

Who is taking the plunge?
Arts and Entertainment
Katy Perry as an Ancient Egyptian princess in her latest music video for 'Dark Horse'

music
Arts and Entertainment
Dame Judi Dench, as M in Skyfall

film
Arts and Entertainment
Morrissey, 1988

TV
Arts and Entertainment
William Pooley from Suffolk is flying out to Free Town, Sierra Leone, to continue working in health centres to fight Ebola after surviving the disease himself

music
Arts and Entertainment
The Newsroom creator Aaron Sorkin

TV
Arts and Entertainment
Matt Berry (centre), the star of Channel 4 sitcom 'Toast of London'

TVA disappointingly dull denouement
Arts and Entertainment
Tales from the cryptanalyst: Benedict Cumberbatch in 'The Imitation Game'

film
Arts and Entertainment
Pixie Lott has been voted off Strictly Come Dancing 2014

Strictly
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

ES Rentals

    Independent Dating
    and  

    By clicking 'Search' you
    are agreeing to our
    Terms of Use.

    Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

    Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

    Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
    Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

    Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

    The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
    Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

    Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

    The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
    Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

    The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

    Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas
    La Famille Bélier is being touted as this year's Amelie - so why are many in the deaf community outraged by it?

    Deaf community outraged by La Famille Bélier

    The new film tells the story of a deaf-mute farming family and is being touted as this year's Amelie
    10 best high-end laptops

    10 best high-end laptops

    From lightweight and zippy devices to gaming beasts, we test the latest in top-spec portable computers
    Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

    Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

    The batsman has grown disillusioned after England’s Ashes debacle and allegations linking him to the Pietersen affair
    Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

    Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

    The Williams driver has had plenty of doubters, but hopes she will be judged by her ability in the cockpit
    Adam Gemili interview: 'No abs Adam' plans to muscle in on Usain Bolt's turf

    'No abs Adam' plans to muscle in on Usain Bolt's turf

    After a year touched by tragedy, Adam Gemili wants to become the sixth Briton to run a sub-10sec 100m
    Calls for a military mental health 'quality mark'

    Homeless Veterans campaign

    Expert calls for military mental health 'quality mark'
    Racton Man: Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman

    Meet Racton Man

    Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman
    Garden Bridge: St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters

    Garden Bridge

    St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters
    Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament: An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel

    Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament

    An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel
    Joint Enterprise: The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice

    Joint Enterprise

    The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice
    Freud and Eros: Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum: Objects of Desire

    Freud and Eros

    Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum