Greatest British Bake Off innuendos of 2015: ‘Right bakers, time to reveal your cracks’ and other priceless moments

Paul and Mary are soon to crown a winner. But who takes the cake for the sauciest puns?

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There haven’t been many soggy bottoms during this year’s Bake Off but there have been rather a lot of cracks. 

As ever the primetime baking competition, so beloved of the Great British public that 10 million of us tuned in to watch this week’s semi-final, has been serving up a healthy dollop of innuendo.

Devoid of scandal as half-baked as Alaska Gate, this year’s series might have failed to rise to its usual dizzy heights were it not for the sexually-charged verbosity of hosts Mel and Sue.

The format has remained as inappropriately familiar as the drunk “uncle” who pinches your (hopefully not soggy) bottom at family parties.

Even the contestants have been adding sauce to the proceedings and are, if possible, even more prone to puns than the presenters this year. So much so that Mary has been making this face:

 

With Ian, Nadiya and Tamal set to compete in the final we look back at some of the funniest moments of the Bake Off 2015.

Bottoms, wobbles and rolls

Sandy had some priceless wisdom about crème brûlée: “The wobble should be like me backside.”

Sue: “What wobble are you looking for? A Kim Kardashian? A Jessica Rabbit?”

Flora on the semi-final: “There’s a lot of wobbles happening this weekend. Emotionally, structurally…

Sue on Tamal: “Messy top, tidy bottom.”

The best jokes

Sue: “Good morning, bakers. The following signature challenge has been assessed by the Double Entendre Police and I’m delighted to inform you that Paul and Mary would love you to make cream horns. And there’s nothing fun to say about that whatsoever.”

Sue, calling time on the choux pastry nuns: “I don’t want to make a habit of this, guys, but you’ve got one minute left.”

Sue: “Right bakers, time to reveal your cracks”

Mel on Ugne’s madeira cake: “One crack bad, two cracks better.”

Mel: “We’d like you to make Mary’s version of a Spaniche Windtorte. Sounds like something I went to the doctors for when I was on holiday in Majorca.”

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No jokes about the cream horns!

The worst jokes

Mat: “There’s dough everywhere. It’s doughverload.”

Sue: “Bakers, time to scream like Bread-vard Munch. Fifteen minutes left.”

Mel: “Can I take the pith, Marie?”

Sue: “OK bakers, 15 minutes until your ganache hits my ga-nashers.”

THE JUDGES

Mary Berry quite contrary…

In that she might do a fairly good impression of Mary Whitehouse but we’re sure she’s got nice defined layer (pronounced “lair”) of wicked naughtiness hidden inside.

Mary on Alvin’s bread rolls: “They look so tempting, I can barely keep my hands off them.”

“Excellent crack - perfect moist split,” she said, making us choke into our cuppa.

It’s all about Paul…

No, not the Welsh one with similar facial hair. Mr "floury biceps" Hollywood has been bringing his twinkly-eyed scrutiny and making us all rather hot under the collar. He doesn’t say anything funny, mind. But we had to include him anyway.

Nadiya for Bake Off Queen…

Not just because she’s brilliant and would rather have another baby than make soufflé ever again, but because she’s quite possibly funnier than Mel and or Sue.

“If I’m going home, you’re coming with me.” Nadiya to Sue are the presenter heartbreaking breaks her gingerbread showstopper dome.

Mel: “Why have they given you paperclips? For filing your soufflé?”

Nadiya: “Yeah, for filing it away in the folder that says NEVER BAKE AGAIN. Sorry, Jekyll and Hyde moment. I’m OK, it’s all fine.”

Ian is delightfully dead(frangi)pan

Swotty Ian won Star Baker a record three times with his careful and delicious creations but he isn’t all seriousness and flowerpot-shaped success.

Mel to Ian: “I love those hanging nuts.”

Ian: “I’ve had to put three on, for obvious reasons.”

Alright he might be a little serious: “I might just have a little fizzy pop in the bar tonight. Not too many, though, Just one. Maybe two.”

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Bake Off finalist Ian takes the biscuit (or cupcake)
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Tamal, 29, a trainee anaesthetist in Manchester

Lovely Tamal the lion’s dinner

He might have left fans hungry for him and taken the cake for best hair this series but Tamal is not as confident as his shiny ganache exterior might suggest.

“I feel like we’re a herd of gazelles that’s being picked off one-by-one by lions. Mary and Paul are the lions and they’re hungry for bakers,” he opines, terrified.

On his wonky biscotti: “They look like really beautiful ciabatta – if only that’s what we were making.”

The Bake Off finale is on BBC One Wednesday 7 October at 8pm.

 

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