Chris Moyles, Radio 1

The Sony award that broke my smugometer

Once again, the prizes doled out at the Sony Radio Awards ceremony, last week, were the result of a mixture of good judgement, meaningless back-patting, and deliberate, pointed insult aimed at the discerning radio listener.

The good news: Radio 4 was declared UK Radio Station of the Year. I have no problem with this, apart from the nagging feeling that the award should really go to "Best UK radio station apart, obviously, from Radio 4", which would at least give poor Radio 3 a look-in. (I suspect that Radio 3's lack of Sonys this year might have something to do with the fact that Roger Wright, its controller, was one of the judges, and he is the kind of man who does not give himself prizes).

The other good news: Jenny Abramsky, director of BBC Audio and Music, i.e. Mrs Radio, won a special award, just for being herself, really (and helping the BBC to remain more or less the nation's default radio broadcaster).

As for the other awards, one wishes all the winners nothing but congratulations. Except for the following. (Long-term readers of this column may suspect that it started being sniffy about the Sonys at around the same time it stopped being invited to the ceremony, but I think it is more the other way round.) Here we go.

Chris Moyles won the Breakfast Show Award. Russell Brand won the Entertainment Award. And George Lamb, who is possibly the worst DJ I have ever heard in my life (and the subject of numerous petitions calling for his removal from 6Music) won the Rising Star Award.

I suppose this is not entirely unfair. He is, after all, such a spectacular cretin that in these debased times it is all too likely that he will achieve fame and fortune. Just like his mentor, the fat sexist Chris Moyles. (And if he feels like suing us about the word "sexist", I refer our lawyers to Ofcom's 2006 ruling against him.)

As penance for all the sins I have ever committed in my life, I listened to his show the day after the broadcast. To my surprise, Moyles was humility itself, and barely referred to his award, preferring instead to play some great music and make some splendid topical jokes. Ha! Just kidding. He talked about almost nothing else for the first 21 minutes and 14 seconds of the show, by which time someone whispered into his ear and reminded him that Radio 1 was a music station, not a speech station. I had my smugometer to hand, to be scientific, but it exploded. Oh well. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

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