After what looked to be a more dramatic seventh series, very little happened in SW3 tonight – with the exception of Mark Francis’ unprecedented ‘gymnaissance’ in the middle of a show garden.
Instead, we were introduced to two new bland, ornamental characters, who – let’s hope - will leave a greater impression than last series’ newbies.
Rob, a strange, anaemic, French-looking sap, who looks eternally destined never to be invited on a ‘lads’ night out’ with Spencer and Jamie, was rebuffed by Lucy Watson after just two questions.
While Sophie Ellis-Bextor lookalike Emma Miller came across as a cold fish with an unfathomable accent and lip size. She rivals Rosie for lack of charisma, making it hard to believe Spencer holds her in the same esteem as Caggie (or Lucy, or even Louise).
Louise’s younger brother Sam also remains a mysterious character. He looks and sounds like he should be living Holloway with seven friends all struggling to get into the creative industries. What is he doing in Chelsea with his posho sister?
As far as the limp plot-line went, Alex and Binky’s relationship remains rocky despite a romantic date at the Horniman Museum looking at dead stuffed animals in a quest to ‘educate’ Binky.
If one truly eventful thing did happen in the hour-long episode, it was the inclusion of a black extra in the background when Spencer and Emma were “grabbing brunch”.
Despite being set in one of the world’s most diverse cities, the show is hardly ticking quota boxes when it comes to ethnic inclusivity (Ollie’s fake tan doesn’t count).
It’s hard to believe the show couldn’t have found a stunning, spoilt daughter of a wealthy Asian businessman who divides her time between Dubai and Knightsbridge to feature as a new character.
Times must be hard for casting directors at Channel 4, a broadcaster that prides itself in its “world class reputation for creative diversity in the content of its programming”.
For now we will have to make do with some truly vanilla new characters.Reuse content