The Leftovers season 3: Why the latest episode of HBO's standout series was so hard to watch

*Spoilers for The Leftovers season 3 follow - you have been warned*​

All episodes of The Leftovers will be available to view in the UK on Sky Atlantic and NOW TV from 4 July

I've got a confession to make: I've been putting off reviewing the latest episode of The Leftovers all week following its airing on Sunday (21 May). Not, as you might expect, due to laziness or indeed busyness, but because once the credits rolled on sixth episode 'Certified,' I endured such a sleepless night filled with unadulterated gut-wrench that when it came to thinking about the words to write, I flat out rejected the action.

It's since become clear to me in the ensuing days, however, that - put simply - I need to.

Despite the moment's uncertain terms, it seems the episode's final moment saw the story of character Laurie (Amy Brenneman), the ex-wife of Justin Theroux's protagonist Kevin, draw to a close. Seeming to resign herself to what seems to be a watery fate, Laurie's decision to die by suicide made me realise that, for the first time since The Leftovers began, I couldn't accept what I was watching. Understand, perhaps. Accept? No.

This series has been filled with numerous moments where, despite never really grasping an understanding of a character's motivation, I have freely accepted it as their personal reaction to the Sudden Departure (chief suspects: the Guilty Remnant). But the cry of anguish I produced as I realised what Laurie was about to do - had been planning to do the entire hour - left me quivering as the screen cut to black leaving viewers with nothing but the tranquil noise of the open ocean.

Laurie is a character whose pain and anguish has forced her to perform unthinkable acts whether it be to leave her husband for a silent cult or to dispose of a gift given to her by her daughter, Jill (sidenote: that lighter shows up again in this episode - as Nora (Carrie Coon) refuses to relinquish it, Laurie's relaxed demeanour gives way to display the torment we saw her express through silence in season one; she attacks her).

To me, Laurie has been the hardest character to understand in a series full of them, aided by the fact she didn't speak a word for almost an entire season. But opening of this episode, which sees her foil her own suicide before giving her life to the GR, provides a window into understanding her - again, with Brenneman almost not speaking a word. The episode that follows, which sees her slot back into her therapist days to guide those around her as they suffer from, in her belief, psychotic breaks, brought my understanding of Laurie full circle.

And then she throws herself into the ocean off the coast of Melbourne.

It's only upon retrospect that Laurie's intentions slot into focus; she may not have lost her entire family to the Sudden Departure or, like Kevin, be the presumed Messiah, but - following the traumatic event which saw her see her fetus disappear at the precise moment of the Departure - she's been searching for meaning just as much as both Nora and Kevin. The difference being, Laurie could have kept up appearances had everyone else been contented to do the same.

READ MORE: Listen to the latest episode of our podcast in which we discuss interviewing Martin Scorsese and why everyone should be watching The Leftovers

It's her gradual realisation that those around her are letting go that sees her walls come crashing down: Kevin is willing to continually kill himself because his father (Scott Glenn) tells him he's the second coming; Nora desires to enter the machine in the knowledge she could be radiated into oblivion; even Matt's (Christopher Eccleston) faith has been rattled following his Tasmanian sex boat encounter with 'God' (Bill Camp).

At one stage, Kevin thinks Laurie is in Australia to talk him out of killing himself - no, she tells him matter-of-factly, she's come to say goodbye. In these "strange times," Laurie finds enlightenment in the way that everyone has accepted that, despite their attempt to exist in this post-Departure world, real happiness is an increasing improbability. But the true shock for the viewer - as the opening credits song ('1-800 Suicide' by Gravediggaz) suggests - is that suicide's never been far from Laurie's mind; Damon Lindelof and Tom Perrotta have just refused to tell the viewer that information (perhaps all those GR cigarettes smoked were just a death wish).

One last thing: Laurie's final interactions with both Nora and Kevin could be the finest acting this TV show has seen, capped by her anguished smile in response to Nora's "same time next week?" comment. The awards chat is usually reserved for Coon but Brenneman, who has very much played second fiddle to her peer throughout her time on The Leftovers, raises the already staggeringly high quality to unanticipated levels in every second of her screen time - so much so that I didn't realise Laurie was my favourite character until the very moment she plummeted into the ocean towards her uncertain fate. Heartbreakingly, I doubt we'll see her again.

“We're all gone,” Laurie tells Kevin in their final goodbye." She could well be talking about every Leftovers fan as this scene plays out

If there's any way to comprehend or even take stock of this show's plot turns, it's to regularly address them long after you've switched off your television set. In its three years, the series has been no different. This remarkable show now has only two episodes to wrap itself up - and never in my life have I been more excited for something I am not looking forward to.

The Leftovers will be available to view in the UK on Sky Atlantic and NOW TV from 4 July.

You can catch up with all episode reviews below:

Episode 1 'The Book of Kevin' review
Episode 2 'Don't Be Ridiculous' review
Episode 3 'Crazy Whitefella Thinking' review
Episode 4 'G'Day Melbourne' review
Episode 5 'It's a Matt Matt Matt Matt World' review