You write the reviews: Midsomer Murders, ITV1, SUN
A bridesmaid skewered to the bedroom wall with an ornamental dagger, an illegitimate son cut down by the arrow from a longbow and an elderly women stabbed through the ear with her own hat pin. This can mean only one thing: Midsomer Murders is back on our screens doing what it does best.
The show stars John Nettles (of Bergerac fame) as the evergreen DCI Tom Barnaby. With tongue firmly in cheek, Barnaby must call on all his powers of detection to untangle the web of jealously, lies and adultery that pervades the population of the fictional county of Midsomer. Since the series first aired in March 1997, the extraordinary level of killings has led to Midsomer attaining the crown of England's deadliest county.
Unquestionably, the world of Midsomer is as much the star of the show as any of the cast. It is an English rural paradise filled with immaculate lawns, stunning country houses and functioning local post offices. This image of the English rural idyll, while a little clichéd, provides a wonderful canvas for the inevitable carnage.
While the setting is sublime, the convoluted plot and eccentric cast can often border on the ridiculous. At times, the heady mix of lies, red herrings and melodrama threatens to overwhelm proceedings. For example, in one episode a con-artist meets his end when bottles containing the cheap wine he is attempting to pass off as a top vintage are fired at him from a replica Roman catapult. In another, the details of how a man was killed, stripped and left in a crop circle are omitted, perhaps because it's one murder too many.
To focus on Midsomer's shortcomings, however, is to miss the point. It is never likely to challenge the so called "realistic" crime dramas, but neither does it try to. If you like to be rooted to the edge of your seat your needs may be served better elsewhere. But if, like me, you prefer your television a little less challenging, an evening spent in the gently entertaining company of DCI Barnaby can't be beaten. Midsomer Murders is akin to the loveableold family dog. Sure, he isn't as handsome as the other dogs and his imperfections and idiosyncrasies can irritate after a time. But he'll always be there when you need him most and you can be sure you'll miss him when he's gone.
So if you feel the pressures of the real world getting on top of you, pour yourself a glass of wine, unplug your brain for a while and let the madness wash over you like pure waves of visual morphine, safe in the knowledge that at the very least you'll get to see some rich toffs get a damn good hiding.
Thomas Budd, student, Leicester
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