Two minutes that could change your life (without ruining your eyesight)

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The Independent Culture
1 Fly the 1.5 miles between the Orcadian islands of Westray and Papa Westray - at just two minutes, it's the world's shortest scheduled flight

2 Break into the 68 out of 70 models of car covered by Government anti-theft tests that could be stolen in two minutes or less

3 Rap 1,464 syllables, if you're the world's fastest MC, Chicago's Rebel XD

4 Buy two minutes of advertising on a top-rated US television show... for $2.3m

5 Eat 56 frankfurters at world-record pace

6 Wash them down with 24 yards of ale, also at world-record pace

7 Round off your record-breaking meal with 17 bananas for pudding

8 Boil a pint of water in an average domestic kettle

9 Toss a pancake 217 times, to beat the record set by Ralf Laue from Germany in 1997

10 Ski the downhill course at Nagano, Japan, at Olympic pace

11 Make cranberry sauce (according to Josceline Dimbleby's recipe)

12 Take the mono-rail between Gatwick's North and South terminals (a two-minute ride)

13 Watch Samuel Beckett's play Breath... four times

14 Spare a thought for the 400 football-pitch sized chunks of rainforest cut down every two minutes around the world

15 Watch a scene from an old episode of Dallas (the average scene of the soap opera lasted precisely two minutes)

16 Hurl yourself into space from the crane-dangled bungee-jump cradle at Adrenalin Village, London: from jump to final boi-oing takes just under two minutes

17 Speak for two minutes without hesitation, deviation or repetition on the subject of the eclipse - and feel twice as smug as Clement Freud on Radio 4's Just a Minute

18 Earn pounds 23,611.11 in interest alone (if you're Bill Gates)

19 Ride through the Blea Moor tunnel on the Settle-Carlisle railway line

20 Change your clothes (an American survey has found that it took women an average of two minutes 12 seconds to decide what clothes to wear)

21 Run about 900 metres at world-record pace

22 Win the National Lottery: it takes two minutes for all seven balls to drop

23 Recall the sequence of an entire pack of cards (if you're the world's memory champion)

24 Walk from one tent to another at a typically underpopulated Cornish campsite

25 Heat and eat a Pot Noodle

26 Skip or play squash: you'll work off 20 calories with each

27 As an alternative, stare at the floor - and burn off 2.4 calories all the same

28 Yodel 2,640 tones, at world-record pace

29 Cook a hamburger (if you're McDonald's)

30 Divorce your husband/wife (the average uncontested quickie divorce takes just two minutes of court time)

31 Watch all the decent bits in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

32 Cover 4.66 yards, if you're a three-toed sloth

33 Cover two miles, if you're a cheetah

34 Cover 6.63 miles, if you put your foot down in the fastest Ferrari sports car

35 Row about 650 metres at world-record pace

36 Spend roughly one-eighth of the average time spent by a British father with his children every day

37 Have sex (if you're a deeply average man)

38 Pour yourself a Guinness - according to the advert, it takes 119.5 seconds to pour the perfect pint

39 Buy Van Gogh's Irises - sold for pounds 30m in an auction lasting just two minutes

40 Travel 22.32 million miles at the speed of light

41 Fire 12,000 rounds from your helicopter-mounted 7.62mm M134 Minigun, the fastest-firing gun in history

42 Or beat your wings 10,800 times, if you're a horned sungem hummingbird

43 Dance the salsa, swim or run: 25 calories each

44 Walk an average block in Manhattan

45 Consume 82 calories - the amount which is devoured by one person in any two minutes of a typical American meal

46 Travel approximately 568 yards at 10mph in the slow lane of the M4 (if you're a voter)

47 Travel approximately 2.33 miles at 70mph in the Prescott lane of the M4 (if you're the Prime Minister)

48 Score the second-fastest hat-trick in history: the Argentinian player Maglioni knocked in three for Independiente in one minute 50 seconds in 1973

49 Cook one side of a fillet steak (according to chef Nick Nairn)

50 Wait for your bride, if you're Prince Edward - that's how long Sophie kept him standing at the altar

51 Canoe about 350 metres at world-record pace

52 Think of your most eclipsed-crazed friend and at the precise moment of totality, phone their mobile

53 Ride the Pepsi Max Big One roller-coaster on Blackpool's Pleasure Beach (it takes precisely two minutes)

54 Have your body stripped of all its surface flesh by a shoal of the terrifying razor-toothed Serrasalmus piranha fish (should you happen to be in Brazil)

55 Earn $400,000 (per two minutes of screen time) if you're a top Hollywood star

56 Earn pounds 6 - if you're a top Premiership footballer (even while you're asleep)

57 Earn 12p - if you're on the minimum wage (and only while you're working)

58 For once in your life, watch the average airline safety video

59 Gallop the 10-furlong course of the Breeders Cup... if you're on the winning horse

60 Eat 40 cashew nuts...

61 ...or 16 pistachio nuts

62 Work out that pin-prick eclipse-viewing technique... oops! too late

63 Apply Estee Lauder's Instant Finish Quick Dry Top Coat to your nails - guaranteed to dry in under two minutes

64 Enjoy the pleasure of driving on the wide-open, traffic-free roads of Cornwall

65 Watch the director's cut of Basic Instinct. Sharon Stone appears nude after precisely two minutes

66 Sell 480 albums in Britain alone - if you happen to be Oasis, whose Be Here Now sold a record-breaking 345,000 copies in one day

67 Take off and reach 30,000 feet in a Tornado fighter-bomber

68 Prepare your told-you-so speech for friends with ruined vision

69 Ski: use up 30 calories (but none once you've broken your leg)

70 Reach 30mph in an Indian Railways' steam engine

71 Watch the new Peugeot 206 television commercial - it lasts precisely two minutes

72 Run up a bill for pounds 12 worth of a top London lawyer's time

73 Run up a bill for pounds 1.33 worth of a Volvo service

74 Listen to The Beatles' song "All My Loving", which lasts exactly two minutes

75 Or, if you prefer, "Song 2" by Blur, another two-minute wonder

76 Memorise the names of every member of the new Russian government - that's assuming they're still around by the time you've finished...

77 Diagnose and treat a heart attack using a defibrillator

78 Speed-skate about 1,600 metres at world-record pace

79 Do a typical yoga relaxation exercise

80 Scramble an egg: you don't have time to boil one

81 Ride the funicular from Chain Bridge to Castle Hill - a Unesco World Heritage site in Budapest

82 Watch all the worthwhile sport on BBC TV

83 Watch all the worthwhile television on Channel 5

84 Sleep: in two minutes, you'll expend the energy contained in a single stick of celery

85 Travel 13 miles in the world record-breaking Thrust SSC rocket car

86 Read The Little Book of Calm and then burn it

87 Fall in love twice: it only takes a minute...

88 Play the recently discovered fragment of a Schubert String Trio which is only two minutes long

89 e-mail a 42-page document from New York to Tokyo (a fax would take 31 minutes)

90 Watch the weather report on television - and thank your lucky stars you didn't go to Cornwall

91 Travel 25.3 miles at the speed of sound

92 Make a green olive tapenade in a food-processor (according to Sue Lawrence's recipe)

93 Swim 0.000033 miles, if you're a seahorse

94 Have your tyres changed and gas-tank filled 15 times, if you're an F1 driver

95 Swim 2.26 miles, if you're a sail-fish

96 Experience 0.13 per cent of a mayfly's lifespan

97 Swim (freestyle) about 220 metres at world-record pace

98 Bowl out the England cricket team

99 Re-read this article