A few last leaves expire
Exhausted on the dripping boughs
As corpses hung on wire
This week The Queen was asked to say
She's sorry for the Boer War
Next week, let's make her call the French
To make amends for Agincourt
Perhaps they might apologise
For Normans killing English earls
And this in turn may shame the Danes
Who slaughtered Byrhtnoth and his ceorls?
But let's not stop at Viking crimes
Perhaps we good East Anglian folk
Should be contrite for places torched
While ousting off the Roman yoke.
St Albans, London, Colchester,
We set your lovely towns alight
So on behalf of Boudicca,
I'm here to say: "We're sorry." Right?
Farewell then, 1900 House
Fascinating ratings winner
Details of Victorian living
As I eat my tv dinner
Later in my Essex pub
A phrase I know so well, somehow:
"You see that 1900 House?
Guess "ow much that fing's worf now?"
A smaller item in the news
Though many may have missed it:
"No Nappies For Seafront Horses"
And how could I resist it?
So here we turn to Yarmouth
Since those sojourning there
May ride by horse and carriage
To take the North Sea air
The councillors however
With civic pride complete
Were bothered by the dooberries
The steeds strewed in the street
They motioned that each driver
Employ an equine nappy
A thing which renders horses
The magistrates however
Have ruled the idea spurious
And victory went to drivers
Which made the council furious
A horse was heard to comment:
"We knew our side would walk it.
We dump ours on the seafront
But they meet up to talk it."
Imagine two months time or so
Millennium Dome / The Body Zone
While walking round in silent awe
You overhear a mobile phone:
"Gary? Hi! I'm in a leg.
I lost my way back in The Bull
Could you and Warren talk me out?
I'm coming to a largish hall
0h... that'll be The Buttock then.
No wait I feel a definite draught.
Maintenance tunnel? Isn't marked.
Could be some kind of exit shaft ..."Reuse content