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Working Parents: Smile - one day your sleep will come

Trevor Dunton
Tuesday 19 May 1998 23:02 BST
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So you have a new Little Terror? In the first of a series, Trevor Dunton offers some advice, with the help of Charlotte Preston

I never expected to be a dad, let alone collaborate with the sleep and childcare expert Charlotte Preston on a series of survival guides for first-time parents. At 39, the nearest I'd got to fatherhood was being roped into a modelling assignment for Mother & Baby Magazine (I was handsomely rewarded with pounds 50 and a parking ticket). But the birth of my son, Alfie, plunged me headlong into the post-natal world of Calpol, cradle cap and nappy rash. I scoured the bookshops for a two-syllabled idiot-proof guide geared towards shell-shocked, sleep-deprived, first-time parents and soon realised the need for a series dealing with childcare issues, in a practical, common-sense, humorous way. A close friend introduced me to Charlotte.

We felt it was important to gear the books towards today's hectic lifestyles. Gone - for most of us - are the sepia-tinted days of bread-winning dads and stay-at-home mums looking after the kid and preparing home-cooked suppers for hubby's return. Many new parents are fighting a losing battle juggling home and career - suppressing the guilt while watching the last train of their social lives leave the station without them. We could all use some help.

And so to the Little Terror series: Little Terror's First Six Weeks, The Little Terror Good Sleeping Guide, The Little Terror Good Feeding Guide, and The Little Terror Good Behaviour Guide.

Over the next three weeks, we will look at how you can cope with career and Little Terror, starting with that age-old problem - sleep. Your LT wants you to be the kind of happy smiley parent found only in adverts and this will require recharging your batteries. Sleep deprivation is possibly the first-time parent's greatest shock. Everyone delights in warning you that you're going to lose sleep but it does not sink in until after the event. You'll have to reach new heights of self-control when smug parents tell you about their no-problem LTs after your fourth sleepless night in a row. And it's all very well for the baby manuals to say "sleep when your baby sleeps", but what if you have a job outside the home, or more than one child? There are no easy answers, but here are a few pointers.

First, there is no such thing as a typical baby or typical sleep patterns. They're all different - different personalities and sleep patterns. Some get into a routine quickly, others take a lot longer. So ignore Mrs Know- it-all's comments about what has worked for her. Bear in mind that even if your LT is one of those who never seem to sleep, and race around with all the energy of a major volcanic eruption, he may grow into a really mellow teenager.

Just to confuse you, LTs go through different phases of development, so that different tools are appropriate at different times. The key is to know what to expect at which stage and when to adjust your techniques accordingly. If that sounds like a moving target, it is. In The Little Terror Good Sleeping Guide, we deal with five phases: newborn to three months, three to six months, six to 12 months, 12 to 18 months, and over 18 months.

When you're still reeling from the birth and your baby screams the second you put him down, how do you find time to go to the loo - let alone catch up on sleep? If this sounds familiar, don't worry - it won't last for ever and within a few weeks you'll, be getting big, beaming smiles. Meanwhile, the name of the game is survival and helping LT get into good habits. In The Little Terror Good Sleeping Guide you'll learn what to check if LT won't sleep, as well as essential survival tips.

From the start, cultivate good habits. The temptation may be to go for the easy option (such as taking LT into your bed at 3am) but you could be storing up problems for later. In the birth-to-three-month phase, we describe how to teach LT to fall asleep on his own. Having a new baby is never easy, but no pain is no gain - get it right now and you could make your life a lot easier in the future.

To order the books, call Freefone 0500 418419.

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