You want a successful comedy video, you need an 18 certificate: Mark Wa reham's guide to the top 5 filth merchants

Chubby Brown Jingle Bx@!cks Appearance: Patchwork tails, flying helmet Material: His big member, masturbation, the wife Songs: "Dolly Parton's tits"

Most likely to say: "Don't cross yer legs, you could be squashing me supper"

On the gagometer: 2/10

F count: 148 (56 mins)

Billy Connolly Live 1994

Appearance: Black leggings, spaniel hairdo Accent: Glasgow meets Hollywood Material: Ugliness of the scrotum, farting, Toblerone Most likely to say: "Back in LA, we say . . ."

Gagometer: 9/10

F count: 152 (93 mins)

Mike Reid Pussy in Boots Appearance: Big Dick Whittington Material: Blue stand-up masquerading as panto Most likely to say: "What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? The wife blows your bonus"

Gagometer: 5/10

F count: 47 (76 mins)

Freddie Starr Live and Dangerous Appearance: Swastika shorts, black briefs, breasts Material: Toilet Songs: "Ba-ba Black Sheep", in the style of Elvis Most likely to say: "Bet yours is like a dead badger"

Gagometer: 6/10

F count: 14 (83 mins)

Jethro From Behind the Bushes Appearance: Game warden Accent: Cornish (mixed with Greek) simpleton Material: "Doctor, doctor . . .", ostrich abuse Most likely to say: "Oi, give 'er a portion"

Gagometer: 4/10.

F count: 0 (65 mins)