The News of the World, Sunday Mirror and Mail on Sunday are all promoting their astrologers on television. Meg and Rus- sell's commercials look like cheap, quickly shot affairs. Meg is made up very pale, like Angelica Huston in The Addams Family; she appears to have been shot through gauze and to have had her voice amplified via a Joe Meek, 1960s tin-can echo chamber to get that ghostly effect. I must say I've always wondered about Meg - I mean, whether she really existed, or whether she'd just been dreamed up on a dark night by a NoW staffer who'd got an actress in to pose for the byline picture. Now I'm no t so sure. It's her intonation that puzzles me, very genteel and, oddly, faintly reminiscent of the Home Secretary - as when she offers help with the "lotteree". Who could act that? Meg gives you a 24-page guide to your stars, some help with your love lif e and a pendant.
Russell's intonation is distinctive, too, a sort of North Circular camp. He has a proper sparkly outer-space backdrop and a six-month star-guide to your love life - Rus-sell's speciality is "love, life, loot and luck".
Russell is now beyond plump, he's cut his hair and it doesn't balance his chin anymore. What fascinating people are attract-ed into astrology. When exactly did Russell realise he had a gift?
The Mail on Sunday approach is altogether smarter: jokier, with higher production values. It's an elaborate conceit about a suburban nun donning a wetsuit and avoiding a wetting, all because she'd been warned by . . . "Patric Walker's star guide for 1995". Peter York Video supplied by Tellex, 071-490 1447.