Deborah Ross

Deborah Ross writes the "If you ask me..." column for i. She also writes for The Daily Mail.

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Deborah Ross: Come fly with DebonAir, the new low-care airline

If you ask me, and having recently experienced a budget flight, I have decided to launch my own airline, DebonAir, which, in keeping with such companies, will adhere to a business plan which transforms everything into a cash opportunity and focuses on charging you an arm and a leg for what you would normally do anyhow. Our prices are amazing – 99p to any European destination – but, to make your experience more comfortable, we suggest you consider joining all or at least some of our following clubs:

Deborah Ross: An unforgettable display of Commentatoritis!

It's a rum business when, having previously expressed no interest in sport, I now find I not only have serious things to say about equestrian matters – for example, I think all penalty shoot-outs should definitely involve horses from hereon in – but have come down with that form of Olympic fever known in the medical literature (BMJ, XVI) as Olympic Commentaritis. This is not a deadly condition, but it is massively inconvenient as you can't do even the simplest things without whooping joyously and then exploding with excitement. I first realised I'd caught Olympic Commentaritis the other morning, while putting on my socks. "Come on, come on, come on!" I found myself saying, as the tension mounted.

Deborah Ross: Ten tips for living 'Fifty Shades' dream

If You Ask Me: You will need to be practised in contortionism for some of this bed flipping action (look for evening classes in your area)

Deborah Ross: Fretting about your swimwear choices? Help is at hand...

You can direct attention away from a big arse by wearing a pretty barrette in your hair or, better still, by carrying a large monkey on your shoulder

Deborah Ross: Relieve the sporting tension with Auntie Sylvia

If You Ask Me: I'm not saying Auntie Sylvia won't get on your nerves a little, with her gasps and yelps
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