Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes
24 May 2015 02:52 PM
At the sound of an ice-cream van children are transformed into chimpanzees
15 May 2015 08:30 PM
Donald is impressed that, when it came to dispensing with the services of Louis Walsh from The X Factor, Simon was willing to pull the trigger himself
08 May 2015 10:30 PM
When Donald's scooter was stolen from his driveway he discovered that he would receive only 60 per cent of its current value
17 April 2015 06:00 PM
Donald, who is about to become a father for the first time, discovered that the total cost of raising a child is something in the region of £230,000
10 April 2015 07:00 PM
40-year-old customer Cornelius Price ordered to pay £1.50 in compensation to Tesco after he threw a six-pint container of milk towards the store manager
03 April 2015 08:00 PM
Donald confesses to a stint on a magazine with the ethical integrity of a hacked voicemail
27 March 2015 08:30 PM
My days as someone without children – a conscientious objector and frequent scorner of those who, having gone forth, multiplied – are numbered.
20 March 2015 07:30 PM
If she keeps her promises, I'm assuming the Rotherham MP Sarah Champion will have paid back the £17 she claimed from the public purse to pay for a Remembrance Day poppy wreath.
13 March 2015 09:00 PM
My Apple iPhone cost me, as we say in Scotland, hee-haw. That is not to say that I got the phone in exchange for a mule, but rather that it cost me absolutely nothing. [Point of order: the origin of the phrase "hee-haw" is almost interesting. The story goes that in 14th century feudal Scotland, a farm labourer was determined to get a pay rise from the English landowner. He requested thruppence a month more from the local laird, Sir Henry Oveur-Privelége. The answer came next morning, in the form of a dead donkey dumped on the labourer's doorstep. On the puckered hind-quarters of the ex-beast was daubed that eternal message to the working classes: "No."]
06 March 2015 08:30 PM
Recognition – or the lack of thereof – will provide the chrome stripper pole around which I coil my words for you this week.
Thousands of teenage girls enduring debilitating illnesses after routine school cancer vaccination
Migrants in Kos: Photos show real tragedy after Brits abroad complain of 'awkward' holidays
British tourists complain that impoverished boat migrants are making holidays 'awkward' in Kos
Michael Gove determined to scrap the Human Rights Act – even if Scotland retains it
Threat to scrap Human Rights Act could see UK follow Nazi example, warns UN official
Church of England 'one generation away from extinction' after dramatic loss of followers
- 1 School kitchen manager 'fired from Colorado school for giving hungry students free lunches'
- 2 California man brutally beat 82-year-old Sikh grandfather he mistook for 'one of those people'
- 3 Amber Peat: Body found in search for missing 13-year-old who left house after argument with her parents
- 4 Gay teenager 'forced to have sex with his own mother' to 'cure' his homosexuality, campaigners in India say
- 5 Charles Kennedy 'had better judgement drunk than many sober politicians' says Ian Hislop