Donald MacInnes

Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes

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Donald MacInnes: Let's pretend Scotland won and now a salmon is running the country

I wasn't going to touch Scotland at all this week. Lord knows, enough politicians and Oxbridge-minted columnists have had a squeeze of the holy haggis in the past few weeks to render anything I have to say on the matter irrelevant and lost in the noise.

Donald MacInnes: With better service on offer maybe the recession did some good

It's often difficult to find much cause for optimism when it comes to how we are treated.

Donald MacInnes: Antiques Roadshow shows up transatlantic difference over money

Unlike in financially self-conscious Albion, where the words "vulgar" and "money" exist in the same great British Venn diagram, the US has no problem with cash, where it came from or on what it is spent.

Donald MacInnes: When videogame prowess is worth a billion, I get twitchy

The rumours which this week began oozing down the walls of the great pyramid of tech-related business, that Amazon was of a mind to buy the videogame streaming service Twitch, will provide the internal structure of today's cavalcade of mediocre prose.

Donald MacInnes: Time for Barclays and the Premier League to get a sense of humour

This week I shall begin with four words which really wouldn't look out of place in a legitimate, modern newspaper column. Today we will be talking about Intellectual Property and Public Domain. Ooh, I felt a frisson of professionalism there. I should try to be legitimate more often. Or maybe I won't. Either way, off we go.

Donald MacInnes: So why are we finally buying a house? Just so I can have a dog

As we are now at the very last stages of buying our new home, I find my thoughts straying ever more frequently to the real reason why we decided to purchase a proper house with a real garden.

Donald MacInnes: I could have been a contender if I'd had a metal detector

There are usually several items that we, as children, request from our parents with little – if any – hope of ever receiving them. I recall craving a flick-knife. It was never gonna happen.

Donald MacInnes: Why I've hit the roof over a SWAT team of noisy builders

Following last week's mean-spirited and unwarranted attack on the infant millionaire Prince George, I fully expected to be bundled into a van and driven to the Tower of London, then ordered to stand in the corner of the gift shop until I had sorted my head out.

Donald MacInnes: By George, a princely survey has driven me to distraction

Being as I have always been honest about my status as a sort of placebo wordsmith – giving the impression of having genuine journalistic acumen without actually having any quantifiable justification for doing so – one might imagine that few people within the serious media world would give me the time of day. Not so.

Donald MacInnes: It's not only Wonga's puppets, real people do my nut in as well

For some people it's Barry Scott squirting warm jets of Cillit Bang as though it's liquid happiness. Possibly it's the curiously shrill-voiced Mo Farah jogging through the Arizona badlands while evangelising about pretend mince. (Fans of actual mince have, in the past, been confronted by Jamie Oliver and his pulsating, fat tongue urging us to stock up in Sainsbury's.)

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His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam