Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes
24 May 2015 02:52 PM
At the sound of an ice-cream van children are transformed into chimpanzees
15 May 2015 08:30 PM
Donald is impressed that, when it came to dispensing with the services of Louis Walsh from The X Factor, Simon was willing to pull the trigger himself
08 May 2015 10:30 PM
When Donald's scooter was stolen from his driveway he discovered that he would receive only 60 per cent of its current value
17 April 2015 06:00 PM
Donald, who is about to become a father for the first time, discovered that the total cost of raising a child is something in the region of £230,000
10 April 2015 07:00 PM
40-year-old customer Cornelius Price ordered to pay £1.50 in compensation to Tesco after he threw a six-pint container of milk towards the store manager
03 April 2015 08:00 PM
Donald confesses to a stint on a magazine with the ethical integrity of a hacked voicemail
27 March 2015 08:30 PM
My days as someone without children – a conscientious objector and frequent scorner of those who, having gone forth, multiplied – are numbered.
20 March 2015 07:30 PM
If she keeps her promises, I'm assuming the Rotherham MP Sarah Champion will have paid back the £17 she claimed from the public purse to pay for a Remembrance Day poppy wreath.
13 March 2015 09:00 PM
My Apple iPhone cost me, as we say in Scotland, hee-haw. That is not to say that I got the phone in exchange for a mule, but rather that it cost me absolutely nothing. [Point of order: the origin of the phrase "hee-haw" is almost interesting. The story goes that in 14th century feudal Scotland, a farm labourer was determined to get a pay rise from the English landowner. He requested thruppence a month more from the local laird, Sir Henry Oveur-Privelége. The answer came next morning, in the form of a dead donkey dumped on the labourer's doorstep. On the puckered hind-quarters of the ex-beast was daubed that eternal message to the working classes: "No."]
06 March 2015 08:30 PM
Recognition – or the lack of thereof – will provide the chrome stripper pole around which I coil my words for you this week.
As a white man, I'm surprised more women aren't tweeting the hashtag #KillAllWhiteMen
Scotland may have to leave the EU even if it votes to stay in, David Cameron confirms
The day that Britain resigned as a global power
SNP fury as HS2 finds 'no business case' for taking fast train service to Scotland
EU referendum: David Cameron's rules are a 'democratic disgrace', says French-born Scottish politician set to be denied a vote
A nation of inequality: How the UK is failing to feed its most vulnerable people
- 1 Cyclist who knocked down three-year-old girl says his life has been 'destroyed'
- 2 Chelsea victory parade: Chelsea mocked on Twitter as 'tens of fans' pack the streets of London
- 3 US warned by Chinese media to stop meddling or 'war will be inevitable'
- 4 Woman, 21, dies after taking contraceptive pill that 'caused fatal blood clot'
- 5 Isis burns woman alive for refusing to engage in 'extreme' sex act, UN says