Donald MacInnes

Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes

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Holy cow! I'm udderly addicted to milk, so let's put our support behind the dairy farmers

Farmers are up in udders about the pittance they get for each pint

Point One Marketing was supposed to prevent nuisance calls but became a nuisance itself

The company, which trades as Stop the Calls, has been fined £50,000 by the Information Commissioner's Office for its "bullying and aggressive" practices

Donald MacInnes: 'The police in Hyde Park weren't fans of my column - hence the £100 fine'

Because Donald bought his scooter new in November 2011, it should have had its first MOT three years later. Last November

Andy Murray's Cromlix House Hotel in Kinbuck, Perthshire

Rain doesn't stop profits at Andy Murray's £600-a-night hotel Cromlix House

Donald MacInnes visited the hotel's restaurant to see if the eaterie had what it takes to be afforded by people without hedge funds

Donald MacInnes: 'TV schedules packed with old tat like Storage Hunters - what a turn-off'

In the show, prospectors cluster around a succession of personal storage units, before bidding on their contents

Donald MacInnes: 'Money's no object in ejecting the eight-legged freaks'

Donald this week tackled a spider the size of a McDonald's quarter pounder

Donald MacInnes: 'Don't mock Father's Day - it really is a historic holiday'

Donald puts to bed the aspersions which are cast on the event's credibility

Why do parents in Aberdeen always install triple-glazed windows in their homes? Because that way their kids don’t hear the ice-cream van.

Donald MacInnes: 'Yes, it’s true - kids really do scream for ice-cream'

At the sound of an ice-cream van children are transformed into chimpanzees

Donald MacInnes: 'It seems even Simon Cowell has at least one admirable quality'

Donald is impressed that, when it came to dispensing with the services of Louis Walsh from The X Factor, Simon was willing to pull the trigger himself

Donald MacInnes: 'I may be befuddled by lack of sleep, but my insurer has no excuse'

When Donald's scooter was stolen from his driveway he discovered that he would receive only 60 per cent of its current value

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