Donald MacInnes

Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes

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Donald MacInnes: Carlos has served us well, but we're selling him on Gumtree

It just occurred to me that I haven't publicly congratulated my high-flying wife on her new job. She still works in corporate travel, but this new role represents a major step up for her.

Donald MacInnes: The Bank is like a bad boyfriend? What sort of description is that?

This week's public address concerns "describing words". These are supposed to illuminate the inner workings of people or things, or, in the case of the Labour MP Pat McFadden, the Bank of England, which he "described" in particularly pejorative terms.

Donald MacInnes: All set for Wimbledon, that legendary land of extravagant spending

Quiet please. MacInnes to serve. Play.

Donald MacInnes: My conscience is too large and unwieldy for me to take bribes

The response to last week's In The Red has been extensive, with much of it in bold italic type on letter-headed notepaper from the law offices of Farnsworth, Gilhooley and Sprott. Apparently, I didn't distance myself enough from gossip about football's "governing" body Fifa being, well, a little on the bribey side and allegedly happy to stage the next World Cup in the car park of the Chingford Harvester as long as someone pays for the privilege. None of that is true. Anyway, having been on "more than six" press freebies myself, I can't point fingers.

Donald MacInnes: Why my conscience is priceless...I'm too scared to take a bribe

Forgive me for being so personal – and you don't have to answer if you'd rather not – but would you say you can be bought? Is there a price on your head (in the retail, rather than Gambino Family sense)?

Donald MacInnes: How Elvis Presley got paid an arm and a leg and Scotty Moore missed out

I heard a radio documentary about the legendary Scotty Moore - Elvis Presley's guitar player from 1954 until the King went to Hollywood to make crappy movies, rather than doing what the good Lord had intended him to do. Given that it was Moore's hillbilly picking that gave the early Presley recordings their delicious twang, you might imagine that Elvis rewarded his talented cohort with something other than crumbs from the table. Not so.

Donald MacInnes: Why are we getting in a froth over Brooklyn Beckham's coffee job?

I'm fairly sure the Daily Mail has its "best people" on the job as we speak. In fact, it being a Saturday, they are probably, at this very moment, crawling through hedges all over west London; hiding in wheelie bins, sniffing the air, questioning the locals and generally doing their frantic best to hunt down the location of Brooklyn Beckham's coffee shop. Gosh, what a holy show over one teenage lad's Saturday job. Although I do wonder how much longer the enormo-quiffed 15-year-old will be able to sling flat whites to an uncaring public without the address of his place of work being compromised and thus then besieged by a panting crowd with anything but Kenco on its mind.

Donald MacInnes: Why are we getting in a froth over Brooklyn Beckham's coffee job?

I'm fairly sure the Daily Mail has its "best people" on the job as we speak. In fact, it being a Saturday, they are probably, at this very moment, crawling through hedges all over west London; hiding in wheelie bins, sniffing the air, questioning the locals and generally doing their frantic best to hunt down the location of Brooklyn Beckham's coffee shop. Gosh, what a holy show over one teenage lad's Saturday job. Although I do wonder how much longer the enormo-quiffed 15-year-old will be able to sling flat whites to an uncaring public without the address of his place of work being compromised and thus then besieged by a panting crowd with anything but Kenco on its mind.

Conor Grimes ended up providing the voice of Gerry Adams (centre) for six years

Day In a Page

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The true Gaza back-story that the Israelis aren’t telling this week

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A History of the First World War in 100 Moments: The German people demand an end to the fighting

A History of the First World War in 100 Moments

The German people demand an end to the fighting
New play by Oscar Wilde's grandson reveals what the Irish wit said at his trials

New play reveals what Oscar Wilde said at trials

For a century, what Wilde actually said at his trials was a mystery. But the recent discovery of shorthand notes changed that. Now his grandson Merlin Holland has turned them into a play
Can scientists save the world's sea life from

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Richard III, Trafalgar Studios, review: Martin Freeman gives highly intelligent performance

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Martin Freeman’s psychotic monarch is big on mockery but wanting in malice
Hollywood targets Asian audiences as US films enjoy record-breaking run at Chinese box office

Hollywood targets Asian audiences

The world's second biggest movie market is fast becoming the Hollywood studios' most crucial
Grindr founder Joel Simkhai: 'I've found love on my dating app - and my mum keeps trying to hook me up!'

Grindr founder Joel Simkhai: 'I've found love on my dating app'

Five years on from its launch and Grindr is the world's most popular dating app for gay men. Its founder Joel Simkhai answers his critics, describes his isolation as a child
Autocorrect has its uses but it can go rogue with embarrassing results - so is it time to ditch it?

Is it time to ditch autocorrect?

Matthew J X Malady persuaded friends to message manually instead, but failed to factor in fat fingers and drunk texting
10 best girls' summer dresses

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Get them ready for the holidays with these cool and pretty options 
Westminster’s dark secret: Adultery, homosexuality, sadomasochism and abuse of children were all seemingly lumped together

Westminster’s dark secret

Adultery, homosexuality, sadomasochism and abuse of children were all seemingly lumped together
A History of the First World War in 100 Moments: Dulce et decorum est - a life cut short for a poet whose work achieved immortality

A History of the First World War in 100 Moments

Dulce et decorum est: a life cut short for a poet whose work achieved immortality
Google tells popular music website to censor album cover art in 'sexually explicit content' ban

Naked censorship?

The strange case of Google, the music website and the nudity take-down requests
Howzat! 8 best cricket bats

Howzat! 8 best cricket bats

As England take on India at Trent Bridge, here is our pick of the high-performing bats to help you up your run-count this summer 
Brazil vs Germany World Cup 2014 comment: David Luiz falls from leader figure to symbol of national humiliation

David Luiz falls from leader figure to symbol of national humiliation

Captain appears to give up as shocking 7-1 World Cup semi-final defeat threatens ramifications in Brazil