Donald MacInnes

Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes

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Photo issued by Flinders University of an artist's impression of a Microbrachius dicki mating scene

One look at us Scots is enough to show how it was our fishy ancestors who invented sex

To know that millennia of love-making are down to the romantic entanglements of a Scottish trout is enormously pleasing

Donald MacInnes: How I long to take Simon Cowell to the cleaners ...

I’ve always wanted to take someone to the cleaners.

Donald MacInnes: Rarely have threats of violence been backed by such feeble reasons

Rarely have I caused so much offence.

Donald MacInnes: Look out for muggers... and beware of electrified bumbags

The gentleman, who to my saucer-sized eyes looked some 11ft feet tall, pushed me backwards, hard enough that I struggled to find my balance, before crashing into the roll-down metal shutter covering the facade of a shop.

Donald MacInnes: Leonardo DiCaprio climate speech at the UN this week was excellent

There were some glitzy touches to the start of the annual United Nations Climate Change Summit in New York on Wednesday.

Donald MacInnes: Let's pretend Scotland won and now a salmon is running the country

I wasn't going to touch Scotland at all this week. Lord knows, enough politicians and Oxbridge-minted columnists have had a squeeze of the holy haggis in the past few weeks to render anything I have to say on the matter irrelevant and lost in the noise.

Donald MacInnes: With better service on offer maybe the recession did some good

It's often difficult to find much cause for optimism when it comes to how we are treated.

Donald MacInnes: Antiques Roadshow shows up transatlantic difference over money

Unlike in financially self-conscious Albion, where the words "vulgar" and "money" exist in the same great British Venn diagram, the US has no problem with cash, where it came from or on what it is spent.

Donald MacInnes: When videogame prowess is worth a billion, I get twitchy

The rumours which this week began oozing down the walls of the great pyramid of tech-related business, that Amazon was of a mind to buy the videogame streaming service Twitch, will provide the internal structure of today's cavalcade of mediocre prose.

Donald MacInnes: Time for Barclays and the Premier League to get a sense of humour

This week I shall begin with four words which really wouldn't look out of place in a legitimate, modern newspaper column. Today we will be talking about Intellectual Property and Public Domain. Ooh, I felt a frisson of professionalism there. I should try to be legitimate more often. Or maybe I won't. Either way, off we go.

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