Donald MacInnes

Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes

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Donald MacInnes: Why my conscience is priceless...I'm too scared to take a bribe

Forgive me for being so personal – and you don't have to answer if you'd rather not – but would you say you can be bought? Is there a price on your head (in the retail, rather than Gambino Family sense)?

Donald MacInnes: How Elvis Presley got paid an arm and a leg and Scotty Moore missed out

I heard a radio documentary about the legendary Scotty Moore - Elvis Presley's guitar player from 1954 until the King went to Hollywood to make crappy movies, rather than doing what the good Lord had intended him to do. Given that it was Moore's hillbilly picking that gave the early Presley recordings their delicious twang, you might imagine that Elvis rewarded his talented cohort with something other than crumbs from the table. Not so.

Donald MacInnes: Why are we getting in a froth over Brooklyn Beckham's coffee job?

I'm fairly sure the Daily Mail has its "best people" on the job as we speak. In fact, it being a Saturday, they are probably, at this very moment, crawling through hedges all over west London; hiding in wheelie bins, sniffing the air, questioning the locals and generally doing their frantic best to hunt down the location of Brooklyn Beckham's coffee shop. Gosh, what a holy show over one teenage lad's Saturday job. Although I do wonder how much longer the enormo-quiffed 15-year-old will be able to sling flat whites to an uncaring public without the address of his place of work being compromised and thus then besieged by a panting crowd with anything but Kenco on its mind.

Donald MacInnes: Why are we getting in a froth over Brooklyn Beckham's coffee job?

I'm fairly sure the Daily Mail has its "best people" on the job as we speak. In fact, it being a Saturday, they are probably, at this very moment, crawling through hedges all over west London; hiding in wheelie bins, sniffing the air, questioning the locals and generally doing their frantic best to hunt down the location of Brooklyn Beckham's coffee shop. Gosh, what a holy show over one teenage lad's Saturday job. Although I do wonder how much longer the enormo-quiffed 15-year-old will be able to sling flat whites to an uncaring public without the address of his place of work being compromised and thus then besieged by a panting crowd with anything but Kenco on its mind.

Conor Grimes ended up providing the voice of Gerry Adams (centre) for six years

Donald MacInnes: Ireland does it her own way when the local undertaker passes on

Having just flown in from the island of the emeralds, my celtic batteries are sitting nicely at 100 per cent. Although we spent most of the weekend in Donegal, we bookended our trip by staying with friends in east Belfast which, those of you familiar with the demographic kaleidoscope of the city will be aware, could not be further, religiously or politically, from the island's picturesque north-west.

Donald MacInnes: Our ideal home on a hill is the first kill in house-hunting safari

So now the story can be told; now the cat, unlike Erwin Schrödinger's theoretical subject, can exit the bag.

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