Harriet Walker

Harriet Walker is a fashion writer and columnist for The Independent.

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Harriet Walker: 'Never look in the goody bag while you're still in the venue'

Call me your correspondent from the front line, because I'm at "the shows" this month. No, not Starlight Express or Cats – fashion shows, Fashion Weeks in Different Cities. New York, London, Milan and Paris. The international collections, as some more grandiose types often call them. But most fashion people just call them "the shows" – presumably because if you don't know which ones they're referring to, you're not worth their time and it's a handy way of spotting you. Saying "the shows" is a bit like saying "Carnival" (strictly no pronoun!) for the one in Notting Hill, the logic here being that you're so blonde and west London-centric that you couldn't possibly be referring to the one in Rio, say, or even Cologne.

Harriet Walker: 'Pretending to be a grown-up is the most clanging way of telling whether someone is still a child'

It's ten years this autumn since I went to university. I'm aware that the natural response to that utterance is to say (usually triumphantly, with all the grim vigour of someone who has just slain a dragon), "Just wait until it's 10 years since you left!" or "Well, it's 30 years since I went!" or even "I can't remember university – was it like when I had my hip replacement?"

Harriet Walker: 'I log on to Facebook and see nothing but new houses, weddings, dogs and babies'

I had an existential crisis last week. I know I did, because my infinitely patient boyfriend pointed out that that was the problem.

Harriet Walker: 'Heartbreak is like living with a scarecrow'

If the readers of this column are anything like me, they will surely know the bleak, dull pain of attentions unnoticed, of love thrown back in one's face and of doormattish acts of supplication used and abused without the faintest sign of any returned affection. They're the hallmarks of a normal adolescence.

Harriet Walker: It's strange how alien your voice can sound given how often you use it

I don't want to brag, but in the past month alone, more than three – yes, it was four – people have told me I have an excellent voice for radio. And no, they weren't making veiled insults about how well my face might suit that medium, too. At least, I don't think they were.

Harriet Walker: There are good things about turning 28. "You'll stop being mental," said my boss

It was my birthday last weekend, which means a certain amount of time has passed since it was last my birthday.

Harriet Walker: 'This is part of the complex process of becoming a grown-up'

If an Englishman's home is his castle, mine is a pretty dank and smelly one at the moment. I'm not trying out a metaphor here – my flat literally smells like a stagnant moat or mouldy old keep at the moment, after a leak came through the ceiling, through the airing cupboard and all over all my sheets and towels. Which I'm unable to wash, dry or throw away until after my insurance company has inspected them.

Harriet Walker: You can do a roaring trade in selling posh people the lives they feel they were cheated out of

A while ago, a non-posh friend asked me why posh people love dressing up so much. Just to be clear, she was asking me this not because I have some Roman numerals after my name, but as a fellow non-posh person.

Harriet Walker: 'I will be going to the theatre more often. Covered in suncream. And possibly on my own'

In a week of life lessons, I have learnt that you should always wear suncream and you should go to the theatre more. And you should do things on your own. And you can do both of these things on your own very easily, should you fancy it.

Harriet Walker: 'Adjust your fun-dar. You are a human being not an automaton'

I've been thinking a lot about spare time recently, which would imply that I've got plenty of spare time to think about and in which to think, which I don't.

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