Howard Jacobson

Celebrated novelist Howard Jacobson's most recent novel is Man Booker-nominated 'J'. He has also written 'The Finkler Question', published to great acclaim in 2010. An acerbic critic and broadcaster with a passion for literature and art, he is known for his ebullient wit.

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Doctor, doctor, if I eat 20 portions of fruit and veg a day, will I ever die?

This is a serious question with economic consequences for the planet

Get working class kids to fit in with the bourgeoisie? Take it from one who tried, they never will

If you’re successful, the middle classes will be queuing up to fit in with you

Lewis Gill lands the punch that killed pedestrian Andrew Young

Howard Jacobson: Lewis Gill may not have meant his punch to kill, but any swing at a man's face is an act of barbarity

It's the mirror of our feelings, the register of our fears and sorrows

The point of a secret language is to exclude those who don’t speak it

If you want to alienate someone, use the telephony alphabet. It’s certain to drive you November Uniform Tango Sierra

The point of a secret language is to exclude those who don’t speak it

If there are too many people being bumped off in contemporary drama, it’s because writers have forgotten their Shakespeare

I don’t always agree with David Hare. But about the body count, we are as one

The sacking of Kevin Pietersen, the last of the great mavericks, has killed off any lingering interest I had in sport

Who would you rather have coming in to bat at number four? Mother Teresa?

Those cleaning up Soho say they object to its sleaze. But isn’t that the whole point of the area I call home?

Sex itself seems to have given up the ghost and gone home to play on its computer

Coronation Street's Roy and Hayley Cropper

The lingering death of Hayley in Coronation Street is just too painful for me to watch

Art isn’t life, whereas soap opera always somehow feels as though it is

The French interior minister wants Dieudonne banned M'bala M'bala from the stage for what he says are racist and anti-Semitic performances.

If the quenelle isn’t Jew-hating, why is it performed on the railway track to Auschwitz

In all my table-tennis triumphs while studying at Cambridge, I never felt the need to touch my right shoulder in tribute to F R Leavis

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