Howard Jacobson

Celebrated novelist Howard Jacobson's most recent novel is Man Booker-nominated 'J'. He has also written 'The Finkler Question', published to great acclaim in 2010. An acerbic critic and broadcaster with a passion for literature and art, he is known for his ebullient wit.

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It's a capital crime that London is now under siege from marathons and triathalons

First the marathon runner and now the cyclist have commandeered our space. In this they have support at the highest level

I’ll take Obama (and Hector) over the utopists and dreamers who’d have us in or out of Syria

I like the US President for his refusal to refusal to take an absolute stance

I studied Spanish at school. And French, and German, and Latin. So why can’t I be Gareth Bale?

The difference is that Bale stood up and delivered his speech in public

Twerking pop stars and errant footballers I can give an opinion on. Syria leaves me stumped

It’s hard not to suspect, from the pitch of their voices, that those who rail against our going in today are the very people who railed against our staying out yesterday

Dante put traitors in the final circle of hell, but does Bradley Manning really belong there?

The treacherous cut a dash in ethics as well as style, risking everything for principle

Never mind Paxman's beard, as a pogonophile I know it’s the smooth of face who need watching

The question shouldn't be why do you grow a beard - but why do you shave?

Forgive me, for I have sinned. Even if it was praying for rain to spoil the Aussies’ summer

I broke the first commandment of an English summer: do not beg for cold

Twitter or toasters: if we don’t like what they bring to our lives, we can simply shut them out

If we blame the medium for everything, must we charge the toaster for inciting lust?

I was a self-hating child, so if it’s a choice between babies and my 100-year-old mother-in-law...

The old make for far more stimulating company than the young

If the Rolling Stones don’t make a fascist of me, then Andy Murray surely will

Never join, is my motto. Never clap along, never sing along, never do as asked

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