Simon Carr

The Independent's parliamentary sketch writer and columnist since 2000, Simon Carr was described by Tony Blair as "the most vicious sketch writer working in Britain today". "Poison," said Charles Clarke. In the 1980s he helped launch The Independent, and was a speech writer for the prime minister of New Zealand from 1992 to 1994. His working principle is "Indignation keeps us young."

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Tory targets:
George Osborne
and Chloe Smith

The Sketch: Keep calm and carry on … Chloe Smith puts on a brave face despite it all

Having survived two televised maulings, the Treasury minister faced another grilling in the Commons yesterday

The Sketch: Ed Miliband has improved so much, he has gone from hopeless to ridiculous

"Isn't it stupid that," the Tory lady began – and then stopped. What a world of possibilities opened up for us. What is stupid is the Government hasn't offered free puppies to all children under five. No wonder their reputation for competence is shot.

The Sketch: The Chancellor had little in the way of satisfactory answers to any questions

What we will publish is 12 fuel-duty rises and the date that we won't be doing another one!

Simon Carr: David Cameron is much too nice to lead nasty party

He's not saying he's going to do anything – he wants a debate about it.

The Sketch: Michael Gove muscles in with a daring ambition

He's looking bigger these days, Michael Gove. Deeper chest, broader shoulders. Maybe he's been through a Charles Atlas course in muscular Conservatism.

The Sketch: Vince decides not to shoot the looters

Vince Cable came to the Commons with the answer to a question that's been troubling him for more than 100 years. It's why he looks as he does.

The Sketch: I Can't Believe It's Not Heroin!

Black Mamba. White Ivory. Cussons Imperial Leather.

The Sketch: How ethical activity and processing propriety can make one forgetful...

There is a Director of Propriety and Ethics for the Government. Is she busy? Are her days full of ethical activity, does she process much propriety?

The Sketch: The country supper with a ring of Hyacinth Bouquet

Dave had to correct the number of meetings he had with Rebekah after Sam put him straight

Chris Bryant

The Sketch: Chris Bryant's J’Accuse moment

Sensational scenes in the House! Chamber-wide shouting, localised growling, some howling, double-handed pointing from Francis Maude, Ivan Lewis playing pat-a-cake with piles of documents, the Speaker adding to his hate crimes against the Tories, Anna Soubry white with anger, Michael Gove Churchillian in facial pomp, Chris Bryant overplaying his hand and probably spoiling the parliamentary case against Hunt.

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