"Isn't it stupid that," the Tory lady began – and then stopped. What a world of possibilities opened up for us. What is stupid is the Government hasn't offered free puppies to all children under five. No wonder their reputation for competence is shot.

He's not saying he's going to do anything – he wants a debate about it.

He's looking bigger these days, Michael Gove. Deeper chest, broader shoulders. Maybe he's been through a Charles Atlas course in muscular Conservatism.

Vince Cable came to the Commons with the answer to a question that's been troubling him for more than 100 years. It's why he looks as he does.

Black Mamba. White Ivory. Cussons Imperial Leather.

There is a Director of Propriety and Ethics for the Government. Is she busy? Are her days full of ethical activity, does she process much propriety?

Dave had to correct the number of meetings he had with Rebekah after Sam put him straight

Sensational scenes in the House! Chamber-wide shouting, localised growling, some howling, double-handed pointing from Francis Maude, Ivan Lewis playing pat-a-cake with piles of documents, the Speaker adding to his hate crimes against the Tories, Anna Soubry white with anger, Michael Gove Churchillian in facial pomp, Chris Bryant overplaying his hand and probably spoiling the parliamentary case against Hunt.

At one point of confusion, Miliband asked for a moment to 're-figure my memory on this'